Some time ago on here I wrote a post about having a dream that involved my grandfather. He passed away from cancer when I was right around 15ish. In my dream at the time, he didn't speak but smiled at me. It's fuzzy now and honestly I'd have to re-read the post to get it right I'm sure. Last nights dream however... is very clear right now.
I was reading through an email on a park bench. I was the only one on the bench and the one across from me was empty completely. As I scrolled through this email, I started to cry. It was more than just a rejection notice from the literary agency I had submitted to, it was a horrifying break down. The gist of it was that there was no way a highly rated firm was going to pick up and carry a piece of no talent trash like me that peddled out meaningless notes that are far from worthy to be printed in an actual book. (Rough right?!? Assholes...) I cried and when the email was read fully I reeled my arm back and chucked my phone over the bench across from me where there was now an old man sitting. Thankfully, it whizzed past him. "Oh my God! I am so sorry! I didn't think anyone was there, I was really into my message, I am so, so sorry." The old man smiled at me and said "Not a problem, no harm done." His voice was so familiar... He didn't have a phone but instead picked up a newspaper and held it in front of his face to read. On the back, where I could see, were the obituaries. And three names over with his picture and all... My grandpas name. Without moving the newspaper out of the way, he spoke again and I couldn't help but stare, frozen. "Some times things seem bigger than they are. Some times we just need to step back and realize that a dream is only as real as you make it. If it were easy to do, it wouldn't be called a dream, but instead a routine. You're bigger than a routine my dear. I know you believe in things and even fewer people. But never forget, the one you have to believe in the most... is you sweetheart. Just because a door slams in your face, doesn't mean it's gone. It means you power through it again or find another door."
More tears continued to fall as I heard my grandfathers voice tell me all of those very true things. It was almost like he was hiding in plain sight and needed to tell me that as I was getting a door slammed in my face. As if not to "out" him, I sniffled and said "Thank you for all of that. If my grandpa was here next to me, I feel like he'd tell me the same things. Thank you, sir." With that, the old man folded up the paper, stood up, smiled at me while tipping his hat and then walked away. I sat there wishing I could've hugged that man. But he was gone. I stayed on the bench watching the sun set before I woke up.
Waking up from that, it was hard. Hard to know that I couldn't call him up and tell him about it and even hard to repeat yet again, that it was all true. I can't let obstacles stop me from what I want to do. If one route gets completely blocked, I either bulldoze my way through or find a better way. It seems shorter written down but oh so vivid in my mind.. I wish I could hug him.. It's crazy that that was more than half my life ago.. Crazy stuff. Have a great Wednesday guys. Sorry it's not longer but I had to share it before it was gone. :)
-SuperMom
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