Dear you know who you are,
I don't know you nor do I need or want to know you. What I know OF you is your role in a very off time for me. Should I hold it against you? Probably not. Will I anyway? Probably so. My life has had a few of YOU pop up and I'm tired of it. Even though YOU have never actually hurt me yourself, the mere thought of you pushes a button inside me that makes my blood boil. Is it fair that I want to scream in your face.... No.. No it's not. But the times where the You's of the world pop up and beat me down... You're now a fall person just like the rest of them. Maybe you thought of yourself as helpful and you very well could've been to someone else. But to me.. To me, you halted happiness. You even made it convenient to question it. And for that, I don't want to forgive you or know you. Someone has to take it. If not you, then who? Another you...... You are so lucky that I don't have magic powers. If I did... Whoa buddy! You'd be done. The thing is, you don't know ME either. You know OF me. That's it. There's always another side. I'm sure you know the blah side. I'm not sad or guilty feeling of my judgement. For you and the others just like you who have tumbled into my life when they shouldn't have, F OFF. I won't miss you because thankfully, I have no idea who you are. All I know is that there are plenty of YOU'S out there and you're all exactly the same. There it is. Good night YOU. I hope your dreams keep you up at night like mine do.
-SuperMom
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Another horrible, horrific, WTF?!? dream...... :(
Good morning!
I can say that genuinely because compared to last night, it's already a great morning... I didn't eat anything crazy, watch anything scary... I cried before bed. For the past few weeks I've held in any kind of falling apart-ness and apparently... last night the dam broke. It was a mixture of things from past and present that just overloaded all at once... For a small window of time, I felt alone, helpless, and pissed at myself for allowing that to happen. Anyway... By the time I climbed into bed, my eyes were swollen and stung, my head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds and my skin felt like it was on fire. I threw my clothes on the floor, turned the fan on, and pulled the blanket up to my face as a bed time formality more than anything else. It didn't take long, thankfully, for me to drift off completely. That's when it all started....
WARNING: HORRIBLE DREAM. I'M SORRY.
***I was standing at the sink putting dishes in the dishwasher when a sharp pain hit the pit of my stomach out of nowhere. I fell to the floor doubled over gasping for breath while wrapping my arms around my belly. It felt like I was being stabbed and burned at the same time... All of that was in my stomach. Eventually I passed out and like any horribly predictable movie, the sink started to overflow. When my husband got home and found me, he cradled me while freaking out and begging me to open my eyes. I did after a few minutes. He asked what had happened and why I was sleeping on the floor. "I... I don't know." And I didn't. Apparently (like a crappy movie) I had completely forgot that I felt like I was being ripped open... I stood up, started reaching for a towel to get the water cleaned up but before I could grab it, my husband grabbed my hand and led me to the couch where I could lay down and rest. I did. After a few hours (I'm guessing) of sleeping on the couch, I woke up to a dark room.. All alone.. and with a surprise... My belly was hard and I looked like I was five or six months pregnant.. I started breathing hard while trying to understand what the hell was happening. I was freaking out because I assumed that my husband would be angry. (He never has been and I doubt, in reality, he would be.. however... dreams...) We live in a three bedroom house that we rent and already have three children. The youngest isn't even two yet! How? Why? Those were thoughts that were spamming my mind when the pain started again. It was even worse this time. After a few minutes of leaning against a wall and trying to withstand the throbbing, piercing pains, I started to feel a warm rush down my legs. Without looking, I felt my right thigh with my hand before lifting it up to see.. Blood. Lots of blood. It wasn't stopping and neither was the pain. As crazy as it seemed, my belly started losing size slowly. It was like I was a blood dispenser and I was running out. I started screaming and my knees buckled sending me to the floor with a giant thud. As I fell, I heard a faint voice that was angry and full of hate screaming at me.. "Why would you do that!?! This is all your fault! I'll never forgive you for anything!" It was hard to tell at first but I figured it out, it was my husbands voice. Then of course.. I was out again. When I opened my eyes, the room was bright and different. And this time, I remembered. EVERYTHING. I frantically felt at my stomach. The belly was gone but the blinding pain and burning feeling was still there. It was like I had been ripped open and left to die on a table. I wasn't on a table but I was in a hospital room.. It was as big as my house. I was in a bed next to a tiny table and the only other thing I could see was a tiny clear box with an IV pole beside it. I thought that's what it was. It was hard to be sure because it was on the opposite side of the giant room. I pulled myself up enough to where I was sitting up as painful as it was. Slowly, I swung my legs off the bed so I could eventually go inspect the only other thing in the room. When I stood up, I glanced at the walls... All white. There were three giant blinding lights on the ceiling and the weirdest thing.. There were no windows.. and no doors.. I was scared, hurt and morbidly curious to see what I'd find in the box. I crept towards it trying to ignore everything else. As I got closer, I realized it was an incubator and inside.. was a baby. A tiny little baby hooked up to wires and IV's and monitors. I was about ten feet away when I stopped. Not because I wanted to, but because there was something STOPPING me, not letting me get any closer. Out of nowhere, a piece of glass was between me and the box. I started pounding on it, trying to break it and get to what I assumed was my baby. There was a loud BANG and all of a sudden, the baby side of the glass got completely dark. There was one cry (that sounded more like a creature than a baby) and another loud noise when the light came back on.... before it went off again, I saw a glimpse of the box, the wires and IV stand were gone and the only thing I could see in the box before it was engulfed in darkness again, was blood. I screamed and started to feel the warm feeling down my legs again. I turned around away from the glass still screaming and crying hot tears that burned my face when I was face to face with my husband. I stopped screaming. All I wanted to do was hug him and have him hold me again. I felt like I was in a loop of terror or the main person trapped in a horrible prank. He held one arm out to gesture for me to come a little closer while the other arm was tucked behind his back. I didn't think anything of it and took the few steps to close the gap between us. At the time I had reached him, his hidden arm swung around with a big knife in his hand and he buried it into my belly. My belly that was big again like I was extremely pregnant. I couldn't breathe. I started shaking as my eyes scanned his face with a pleading look of "Why". He took the knife out and jammed it in again. I didn't even scream. I couldn't. Tears kept streaming and I could feel my life draining out of me. He started screaming as he followed my body to the floor still stabbing me over and over again. "Why would you do that?!? This is all your fault!! I'll never forgive you for anything!!" The only noises coming from me were choked gurgles of me choking on my own blood. I couldn't move. He stopped long enough to go to the dark side of the room where the box was. He picked it up (apparently the glass was only there for me..) and walked back to my almost lifeless body. I could see through the clear box and there was no more blood. It's like the box had changed into an over sized crystal clear brick. He lifted it over his head and said "You did this" before he slammed it down on my face.***
Needless to say I woke up gasping, sweating and ready to start crying again. I got up, went to the bathroom, wiped myself with a cold cloth and dug out a left over pregnancy test in the cabinet. Yes I used it, no, I'm not pregnant. I know it was a dream but it was one that was so graphic and full of hate. It scared me.. ME. I sat on the side of the bathtub for about twenty minutes just thinking about it. How horrible.. and why? My eyes still burned from my cry fest before bed, I didn't want to start it all over again in the middle of the night. I know it was bad and I'm sorry if you now see me as a psychotic monster. It has yet to slip away from my mind and I thought that writing it out would help it dissolve faster. Welcome to my nightmare. One of many.. Good news is, it won't be night again for HOURS. Have a good Tuesday everyone. I'm sorry if I've made it blah for you so early!
-SuperMom
I can say that genuinely because compared to last night, it's already a great morning... I didn't eat anything crazy, watch anything scary... I cried before bed. For the past few weeks I've held in any kind of falling apart-ness and apparently... last night the dam broke. It was a mixture of things from past and present that just overloaded all at once... For a small window of time, I felt alone, helpless, and pissed at myself for allowing that to happen. Anyway... By the time I climbed into bed, my eyes were swollen and stung, my head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds and my skin felt like it was on fire. I threw my clothes on the floor, turned the fan on, and pulled the blanket up to my face as a bed time formality more than anything else. It didn't take long, thankfully, for me to drift off completely. That's when it all started....
WARNING: HORRIBLE DREAM. I'M SORRY.
***I was standing at the sink putting dishes in the dishwasher when a sharp pain hit the pit of my stomach out of nowhere. I fell to the floor doubled over gasping for breath while wrapping my arms around my belly. It felt like I was being stabbed and burned at the same time... All of that was in my stomach. Eventually I passed out and like any horribly predictable movie, the sink started to overflow. When my husband got home and found me, he cradled me while freaking out and begging me to open my eyes. I did after a few minutes. He asked what had happened and why I was sleeping on the floor. "I... I don't know." And I didn't. Apparently (like a crappy movie) I had completely forgot that I felt like I was being ripped open... I stood up, started reaching for a towel to get the water cleaned up but before I could grab it, my husband grabbed my hand and led me to the couch where I could lay down and rest. I did. After a few hours (I'm guessing) of sleeping on the couch, I woke up to a dark room.. All alone.. and with a surprise... My belly was hard and I looked like I was five or six months pregnant.. I started breathing hard while trying to understand what the hell was happening. I was freaking out because I assumed that my husband would be angry. (He never has been and I doubt, in reality, he would be.. however... dreams...) We live in a three bedroom house that we rent and already have three children. The youngest isn't even two yet! How? Why? Those were thoughts that were spamming my mind when the pain started again. It was even worse this time. After a few minutes of leaning against a wall and trying to withstand the throbbing, piercing pains, I started to feel a warm rush down my legs. Without looking, I felt my right thigh with my hand before lifting it up to see.. Blood. Lots of blood. It wasn't stopping and neither was the pain. As crazy as it seemed, my belly started losing size slowly. It was like I was a blood dispenser and I was running out. I started screaming and my knees buckled sending me to the floor with a giant thud. As I fell, I heard a faint voice that was angry and full of hate screaming at me.. "Why would you do that!?! This is all your fault! I'll never forgive you for anything!" It was hard to tell at first but I figured it out, it was my husbands voice. Then of course.. I was out again. When I opened my eyes, the room was bright and different. And this time, I remembered. EVERYTHING. I frantically felt at my stomach. The belly was gone but the blinding pain and burning feeling was still there. It was like I had been ripped open and left to die on a table. I wasn't on a table but I was in a hospital room.. It was as big as my house. I was in a bed next to a tiny table and the only other thing I could see was a tiny clear box with an IV pole beside it. I thought that's what it was. It was hard to be sure because it was on the opposite side of the giant room. I pulled myself up enough to where I was sitting up as painful as it was. Slowly, I swung my legs off the bed so I could eventually go inspect the only other thing in the room. When I stood up, I glanced at the walls... All white. There were three giant blinding lights on the ceiling and the weirdest thing.. There were no windows.. and no doors.. I was scared, hurt and morbidly curious to see what I'd find in the box. I crept towards it trying to ignore everything else. As I got closer, I realized it was an incubator and inside.. was a baby. A tiny little baby hooked up to wires and IV's and monitors. I was about ten feet away when I stopped. Not because I wanted to, but because there was something STOPPING me, not letting me get any closer. Out of nowhere, a piece of glass was between me and the box. I started pounding on it, trying to break it and get to what I assumed was my baby. There was a loud BANG and all of a sudden, the baby side of the glass got completely dark. There was one cry (that sounded more like a creature than a baby) and another loud noise when the light came back on.... before it went off again, I saw a glimpse of the box, the wires and IV stand were gone and the only thing I could see in the box before it was engulfed in darkness again, was blood. I screamed and started to feel the warm feeling down my legs again. I turned around away from the glass still screaming and crying hot tears that burned my face when I was face to face with my husband. I stopped screaming. All I wanted to do was hug him and have him hold me again. I felt like I was in a loop of terror or the main person trapped in a horrible prank. He held one arm out to gesture for me to come a little closer while the other arm was tucked behind his back. I didn't think anything of it and took the few steps to close the gap between us. At the time I had reached him, his hidden arm swung around with a big knife in his hand and he buried it into my belly. My belly that was big again like I was extremely pregnant. I couldn't breathe. I started shaking as my eyes scanned his face with a pleading look of "Why". He took the knife out and jammed it in again. I didn't even scream. I couldn't. Tears kept streaming and I could feel my life draining out of me. He started screaming as he followed my body to the floor still stabbing me over and over again. "Why would you do that?!? This is all your fault!! I'll never forgive you for anything!!" The only noises coming from me were choked gurgles of me choking on my own blood. I couldn't move. He stopped long enough to go to the dark side of the room where the box was. He picked it up (apparently the glass was only there for me..) and walked back to my almost lifeless body. I could see through the clear box and there was no more blood. It's like the box had changed into an over sized crystal clear brick. He lifted it over his head and said "You did this" before he slammed it down on my face.***
Needless to say I woke up gasping, sweating and ready to start crying again. I got up, went to the bathroom, wiped myself with a cold cloth and dug out a left over pregnancy test in the cabinet. Yes I used it, no, I'm not pregnant. I know it was a dream but it was one that was so graphic and full of hate. It scared me.. ME. I sat on the side of the bathtub for about twenty minutes just thinking about it. How horrible.. and why? My eyes still burned from my cry fest before bed, I didn't want to start it all over again in the middle of the night. I know it was bad and I'm sorry if you now see me as a psychotic monster. It has yet to slip away from my mind and I thought that writing it out would help it dissolve faster. Welcome to my nightmare. One of many.. Good news is, it won't be night again for HOURS. Have a good Tuesday everyone. I'm sorry if I've made it blah for you so early!
-SuperMom
Monday, October 17, 2016
I was LIVE!
https://www.facebook.com/supertiredsupermom/
Click it. Like it. Share it.
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!
-SuperMom
Click it. Like it. Share it.
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!
-SuperMom
It's almost time.........
The holiday track is upon us...... fortunately for me, I get one night of FUN before the days turn to complete crap. Yummy treats... creepy things... scary sounds... Costumes! Yes, Halloween is close and my Halloween party is even CLOSER! The best part... NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING about it.. As usual... it's a surprise. I can't even slip and hint on here because I know SOME of the guests give this page a peep every now and then... The party is Saturday..... Can't wait for PICTURES!!!!!! ^_^
(PS.. I hope that the guests who DO read this... get a little MORE anxious! See you Saturday!)
-SuperMom
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Wife-moms have to be MORE and ER... ALL THE TIME.
There have been a lot of times in life where I want to crawl to a dark corner, pull a blanket over my head and just cry while I shut myself down completely. Times like that make me wonder what I've done wrong or why life can be so unfair. Eventually, I suck it up and realize that the "balance" in life, isn't anywhere near balanced at all. When you're a wife.. They seem to be pretty leveled if all is well. However, if you're a wife-mom, your side of the scale will ALWAYS be weighed down. I've realized that no matter WHAT it is, a wife-mom has to be MORE and ER all the time... "What the hell does that mean?" I'm sure you're wondering..... Let me explain....
Let's say you're at home cleaning all day with a severe headache, your child comes home early from school because of a stomach issue with homework even you don't want to try to understand and your husband comes home pissed off because an incompetent ass at his job was doing what they do best.. Nothing. Everyone in that particular equation is having it rough right? Sadly, even though you've been working all day doing various crap while in pain, you're not the top priority in that sequence of crappy events. You have to be MORE patient with everything going on and be strongER so that the other people in the mix are taken care of. It doesn't sound fair and it's not, but that's how it goes. Even though both you and your husband have had shitty days, you have to be MORE understanding. I'm not saying that a wife-mom is a doormat. NOT AT ALL. In fact, this is what we take on if taken seriously......
NicER, strongER, smartER, bravER, craziER, fastER, happiER, wisER
and
MORE helpful, MORE insightful, MORE capable, MORE reliable, MORE outgoing, MORE honest, MORE caring, MORE loving, MORE creative, MORE willing and yes, even MORE selfish.
That last one might have you wondering. "But I thought everyone else comes first...." Here's the deal, for the most part, I take care of everyone and everything in my life and family. If my daughter needs batteries for something, mom knows. If my husband reaches up for some glasses wipes, they're always there thanks to.....Mom. Whether they want to admit it or not, I am the glue that holds their world in place. That's not even me being obnoxious or conceited, that's the truth! I do believe that in the pie that is my life, everyone else takes up the majority. However, to be MORE sane and MORE put together, there are times that a wife-mom needs to be MORE selfish. The key is, to have a mark that lets it be KNOWN when you're having a MORE selfish time. For example... If I spend all day cleaning my house with a headache, running errands, trying to write while the baby screams at the top of her lungs while trying to punch my keyboard and the dog chews the lamp cord in half after eating my chips that my kid dumped all over the floor because she could..... I might take that night as a selfish one... My husband would know as soon as he saw my face for the first time after getting home... The face that says all of this...
*I am clocking out. It is YOUR turn. If someone yells "MOM!" again, I'll play T-Rex and freeze with the mind set of, if I don't move, they can't see me. I'm serious. I haven't been able to sit down once today without being followed and screamed at and that's INCLUDING on the toilet. I do NOT want to even THINK about cooking dinner because if I did, I would probably burn it on purpose out of spite! And if you think you're going to leave your shoes in the middle of the hallway or anything else out of place... THINK AGAIN! I need a bath. I need a drink. And I need to hear something that's not animated. PS.. thanks. I love you.*
That's a lot to say with a face... And if I did it ALL the time, it wouldn't be as rewarding when I GET the selfish time because then I'd just be considered a big bitch. Thankfully, I've had just enough practice so that when that face comes on, my husband is pretty quick to step in and let me breathe. Bottom line, in my family anyway, i have to be a lot MORE and ER than all of them. Even if they don't think so... I am. My husband may think he is, like a lot of other husbands out there but... I believe the wife-moms are it. So when you get stressed out and realize how unfair everything is, remember two things... One.. You have every right to be MORE selfish when you need to be. And two... No man could ever do what we do. Love you all mama's (and dad's who read this! I know there are tons of you out there who come EXTREMELY close!). Have a great Sunday night everyone. Good to be back...
-SuperMom
Let's say you're at home cleaning all day with a severe headache, your child comes home early from school because of a stomach issue with homework even you don't want to try to understand and your husband comes home pissed off because an incompetent ass at his job was doing what they do best.. Nothing. Everyone in that particular equation is having it rough right? Sadly, even though you've been working all day doing various crap while in pain, you're not the top priority in that sequence of crappy events. You have to be MORE patient with everything going on and be strongER so that the other people in the mix are taken care of. It doesn't sound fair and it's not, but that's how it goes. Even though both you and your husband have had shitty days, you have to be MORE understanding. I'm not saying that a wife-mom is a doormat. NOT AT ALL. In fact, this is what we take on if taken seriously......
NicER, strongER, smartER, bravER, craziER, fastER, happiER, wisER
and
MORE helpful, MORE insightful, MORE capable, MORE reliable, MORE outgoing, MORE honest, MORE caring, MORE loving, MORE creative, MORE willing and yes, even MORE selfish.
That last one might have you wondering. "But I thought everyone else comes first...." Here's the deal, for the most part, I take care of everyone and everything in my life and family. If my daughter needs batteries for something, mom knows. If my husband reaches up for some glasses wipes, they're always there thanks to.....Mom. Whether they want to admit it or not, I am the glue that holds their world in place. That's not even me being obnoxious or conceited, that's the truth! I do believe that in the pie that is my life, everyone else takes up the majority. However, to be MORE sane and MORE put together, there are times that a wife-mom needs to be MORE selfish. The key is, to have a mark that lets it be KNOWN when you're having a MORE selfish time. For example... If I spend all day cleaning my house with a headache, running errands, trying to write while the baby screams at the top of her lungs while trying to punch my keyboard and the dog chews the lamp cord in half after eating my chips that my kid dumped all over the floor because she could..... I might take that night as a selfish one... My husband would know as soon as he saw my face for the first time after getting home... The face that says all of this...
*I am clocking out. It is YOUR turn. If someone yells "MOM!" again, I'll play T-Rex and freeze with the mind set of, if I don't move, they can't see me. I'm serious. I haven't been able to sit down once today without being followed and screamed at and that's INCLUDING on the toilet. I do NOT want to even THINK about cooking dinner because if I did, I would probably burn it on purpose out of spite! And if you think you're going to leave your shoes in the middle of the hallway or anything else out of place... THINK AGAIN! I need a bath. I need a drink. And I need to hear something that's not animated. PS.. thanks. I love you.*
That's a lot to say with a face... And if I did it ALL the time, it wouldn't be as rewarding when I GET the selfish time because then I'd just be considered a big bitch. Thankfully, I've had just enough practice so that when that face comes on, my husband is pretty quick to step in and let me breathe. Bottom line, in my family anyway, i have to be a lot MORE and ER than all of them. Even if they don't think so... I am. My husband may think he is, like a lot of other husbands out there but... I believe the wife-moms are it. So when you get stressed out and realize how unfair everything is, remember two things... One.. You have every right to be MORE selfish when you need to be. And two... No man could ever do what we do. Love you all mama's (and dad's who read this! I know there are tons of you out there who come EXTREMELY close!). Have a great Sunday night everyone. Good to be back...
-SuperMom
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Sing it!
It's the most wonderful time
of the year!!!!
With sweet scary dreams and so many loud screams it's so nice to my ears!!!
It's the most wonderful time, of the year...
It's the nice, yes nicest season of all...
With some treating and tricking, friends running and kicking and starting to bawl!!!
It's the nice, yes Nicest season of all!!
There'll be movies with killers
and other spine chillers
which make people cover their eyes
There'll be zombies and ghosts
and more ghouls I love most
It's my FAVE if you didn't realize!
It's the most wonderful time of the year...
In just twenty plus days I will scare tons of ways,
preying on everyone's fears!!!
It's the most wonderful time... Of THE YEAR!!!!!!
of the year!!!!
With sweet scary dreams and so many loud screams it's so nice to my ears!!!
It's the most wonderful time, of the year...
It's the nice, yes nicest season of all...
With some treating and tricking, friends running and kicking and starting to bawl!!!
It's the nice, yes Nicest season of all!!
There'll be movies with killers
and other spine chillers
which make people cover their eyes
There'll be zombies and ghosts
and more ghouls I love most
It's my FAVE if you didn't realize!
It's the most wonderful time of the year...
In just twenty plus days I will scare tons of ways,
preying on everyone's fears!!!
It's the most wonderful time... Of THE YEAR!!!!!!
Muahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!! 
;) Hope you enjoyed reading (or singing) because I CERTAINLY enjoyed writing (and singing!) it!!!
-SuperMom
^_^
;) Hope you enjoyed reading (or singing) because I CERTAINLY enjoyed writing (and singing!) it!!!-SuperMom
^_^
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