REMAINING HOSPITAL DAYS...

          If you held on long enough to make it through day one of my hospital adventure, then you may be wondering how the rest of the days played out.. First off let me tell you how a NORMAL pregnancy is supposed to go when you get done with the labor portion. In recent years, (I can't say the "old days" because it will strike a nerve on ME and my mom also reads this and it would probably ping her heart as well...) after a mother had her baby, it would be taken and cleaned up, checked out and everything like that. Then, it would be brought BACK to the mother for feeding and bonding and taken to the nursery to sleep and whatever else. Typical hospital stay is anywhere from 24-48 hours assuming everything goes as planned with no hiccups or issues after which both mom and baby are discharged, walked to the curb where a family member or whoever would be waiting to take them home. This is NOT how my last delivery played out sadly. We left off with me passing out in the middle of the night after a long day one.. So here we go.. Day two and on...


            It was already hard to enough to fall asleep in the first place. One- my mind was all scattered from not being able to be with my new baby. Two- the bed (which felt more like an upgraded cot) was just not doing it for me even with three of the hospital pillows I was given. Three- Now that I wasn't harboring a human anymore, my heating in my body was all out of whack making me have ridiculous chills. All of this on top of the pain and soreness and just when you fall between that very thin line of giving up and finally falling asleep, a knock comes from your door... It had been just over ONE hour of "sleep" had before I had a nurse wheeling in a factory sized (to me) breast pump SYSTEM next to my bed and telling me I should try to pump every two to three hours to keep up with the schedule my daughter would be on and also so my stuff can come in (since I was a month ahead of schedule..). I turned it on and almost jumped. I'm trying to think of a sound you would be able to relate to that sounds like this machine. It was intense anyway and apparently it had nine settings HIGHER with even MORE power. In that slight instant I had a brief twinge of pity for dairy cows... To humor myself and with hopes that I would fill a bottle in no time and speed things along, I grabbed one of the two attachments and turned the machine back on. OUCH! My middle daughter is six and will be seven in August... To give you a little insight on how long it has been since I have even THOUGHT about using one of these damn things. Nothing was happening. Turn the dial up a notch... Nothing.. Two more notches.. Ouch ouch ouch... Wait.. maybe... no, not really. Up another notch and by now my eyes are squinted and I'm gripping the bottle in my hand.. FINALLY. Something! I lay back and keep it going for a few minutes and then shut it off. I put the bottle up to my eye line expecting to see at least half a bottle and... No. What the... There is SERIOUSLY less than an INCH of liquid in there! All that for THAT!?! I switched to the other side and after a few minutes there I MIGHT have made it to an actual inch. That's it. So feeling like a complete failure, I put the cap on, throw my robe on (and by now it's past 3am..) and start to walk down to the nursery. I handed her the bottle and apologized for not giving anything worth anything and she assured me it was great. They called it "liquid gold" numerous times and it made me feel a little better. My first attempt at feeding her with a bottle would be at 5am... So I went back to my makeshift nest on my bed in hopes of getting at least another hour of sleep before then.
            5am came and I walked anxiously toward the nursery. Ring the bell, door opens, cross the rooms and there she is. She was still hooked up to everything and I couldn't imagine holding her without hurting her but I was so ready to try. The nurse had just finished changing her tiny little diaper and was just about to wrap her up swaddle style in the white blanket trimmed with pink and blue stripes. "Can I do that?" I heard myself say out loud. "Of course." she said and that made my morning. Tuck in one side, move wires and tuck tubing, wrap over being just as careful not to tug something off, tuck other side, done. A teeny tiny swaddled little girl with all kinds of things coming out the end of her blanket and a machine that needed to stay within two feet of her... Not ideal by any means but this was the closest I had been to her since the day before and that was rather limited. The nurse was getting a few things around before she got me my bottle to feed her and I was totally fine with the few minutes I had to just stand there, hold her and look at her. She was so little... At that time I was only hoping she would prove all of the doctors wrong when they said I could hope to have her home for Christmas but I shouldn't count on it. I thought about that right after the nurse had told me that the baby was only on low oxygen for a couple hours and had been on room air ever since. The next step was losing the nose tubes altogether. (PLEASE BE SOON!) I smiled. I had no idea how strong this tiny little girl would end up being...
          The nurse gave me the bottle and I was a little saddened that I couldn't try breast feeding since "that is best" and I had done it from the beginning with my other two daughters. But still, I took it and sat down with the baby and held it to her lips. She was very sleepy and she wasn't about to spring to life just because I held a bottle to her mouth. She would peek out of a tiny slit between her eye lids, enough to see that SOMETHING was going on and so she would suck for a minute or two. Then when all was right in the world to her, the eye closed, sucking stopped and it was back to snooze city. One ounce. That's what they gave me to give her. One ounce took over an hour to get down! It was new for both of us. It was almost 6:45am when the nurse took my fat and happy sleeping baby and put her back in her warming box. She then told me that once the box got down to a certain temperature that the baby would be able to be moved to a normal crib bed as long as she herself could maintain the right temp for 24 hours. (Please, please, please....) I nodded and told her I hoped it would be soon and then made my way back to my room to get back in the shower.
           My husband had got to my room about right around 8am after taking our other girls to school which was the next feeding attempt. (Gotta love those every three hour mandatory times!) On our way down there I tried to relay everything I had heard through the night and that morning. He looked as worn out and exhausted as I was. We made it to the nursery and he got to take a shot at feeding her for his first time. I had grabbed his phone to take a picture and the internet was pulled up on the screen. On the window in bold letters were different sites that had information on premature babies and the possible complications that could arise. No wonder he looked so wrecked! I knew right then that my husband hadn't slept long if at all because he was worried about our baby and what could go wrong. I hugged him from my chair. I then went back to telling him all the GOOD things happening so far and what was next to come as long as everything went ok. He seemed a little more at ease but still exhausted so I told him we could both take a nap when she was done. He didn't disagree. Shortly after feeding her, she was moving her little arms (as much as she could anyway) and with one lucky tug that girl had pulled out the tube that was in her nose. We had been shooing her little hand away when she would put it close to her face in fear that she would do, well, THAT. It was a little scary and then the nurse came in to see, looked at her being all content and breathing fine then said "I guess we're done with that for now, maybe for good!" We both smiled. Another good thing. After a little while longer of visiting, she was sleeping and we were wishing we could take that nap I talked about. So that's what we did. He attempted to sleep on the extremely uncomfortable sofa that was against the wall until I told him to just get on my oversized cot like bed with me. It was more comfortable that way, who knew?!? Shortly my breakfast tray came... Pass! I grabbed a few pieces of chicken remaining in the bucket from my KFC massacre the night before and went to town while my husband finished his nap. It was still delicious and definitely overruled whatever was under that plastic dome on the meal tray. The rest of that went by in a slow, blah, blur. My husband was able to bring my kids up to see me and that was wonderful. However, when they got there all excited to see their new baby sister, they were equally disappointed to find out that they wouldn't be able to hold her or even be in the same room as her since children were not allowed in the nursery. The best I could do for them was hold her up next to a window they were on the other side of. I was glad they could see her but it was still a little heart breaking when they held their hands up to the glass wanting to touch her knowing they couldn't. He took them home and said he would be back in the morning again.. Discharge day.. I wasn't looking forward to it. I really didn't want to leave her behind...
         That night I had my two friends come up to visit me. They didn't get to see the baby and I'm sure that was a little disappointing but they sat and visited with me anyway. I love them. One of them even brought me an essential that I had totally forgot to pack in my bag. A RAZOR! I had asked a nurse if I could get one and she said that she had never been asked that before. She goes "Honestly, after giving birth I don't think a lot of women CARE about that since their men won't touch them for a while anyway." Well that was all good and great for THEM, but ME... I wanted a razor. I might be sleeping alone in the hospital but that didn't mean I wanted a pokey brillo pad feeling keeping me up when my legs touched each other. PLUS, I would take hour long showers on my "down time" and there wasn't anything ELSE to look at besides a bunch of tiny black specks taking over my legs! So yes, when my friend showed up with one, I could've cried I was so happy! We talked and caught up while I continued to skim the remains of my poor KFC bucket. (Yes, I love it THAT much that I ate it for every meal until it was gone...) It was a nice relaxing time and I was happy when the nurse came down and asked if I wanted to try to breastfeed the baby for the first time. It was a little rocky at first but we got the hang of it after a few tries. I went back to my room after she was finished, my friends went home and I was ready to take a shower and murder the hairs on my legs. I did. When I got out, I had the sweetest nurse come in and ask if I needed anything. When I told her I was fine, she hovered at the door for a minute and then told me my little girl would probably be out in no time. I started tearing up just a little bit. I then asked her if she had any kids and she went on to tell me about her now four year old daughter who came seven weeks early and had to be kept in the nursery for ten weeks. She said she felt like it was her fault and that she was scared to ever have another child because it was so agonizing. She started tearing up and told me that when she see's mothers like me going through the same thing it breaks her heart and all she wants to do is hug them and tell them she KNEW what they were going through. Now I know why she had stepped out of the room earlier when I was crying.. She was just about crying herself.. It was nice to talk to her and I'm glad that she had shared that with me. The next day was going to be rough and I all could think was.. She'll be out in no time...
            I had done the feedings on the rotation.. 2am.. 5am.. By 8am my husband was walking down there with me to feed her and hold her again. We were both relieved to see that she was still done with the tube in her nose. There were still wires and monitors to work around but I hoped they would be gone soon enough. After feeding and visiting with our little princess again, it was time to head to my room and start packing up all my stuff... It was Wednesday and I hit my time limit for the hospital stay. It was time for me to go home... Alone... Nurses were in and out bringing me various papers and asking questions and they said all I was waiting on was to be seen by the doctor one last time and then I would be ready to go. As I gathered up my belongings from around the room, I couldn't help but get choked up. One thing led to another and hormones took over leading to mini Niagara Falls on my face. I had sudden flashes of her right after the delivery and how happy I was when I heard her weight and then another flash to the doors closing behind the doctors as they took her out without me. I just couldn't help it. Every single thing that I had to pack away to take home with me and my mind wouldn't stop repeating itself.. Toothbrush, yes.. Baby? No.. Slippers, yes. Baby girl.. No. Medicine, yes. My barely two day old daughter that's hooked up to machines instead of being cradled in my arms... Nope. I had to stop. I tucked myself into my bathroom while my husband was getting me water down the hall. I pulled myself together enough to finish packing and sit on the bed to continue waiting for the doctor to swing by. It was after 11am when a nurse came in and brought me a lunch tray. (I figured I'd be gone before that!) It was excellent timing because one, I was freaking starving and two.. The KFC was gone... My husband was sitting in a chair next to me when I reached for a biscuit that was on it's own little plate outside of the mysterious dome that covered the rest of the food. I was so hungry I ripped it apart and ate it like it was nothing. My husband peeked under the lid and said "Hmmm.... guess what it is." Really? I just demolished a biscuit and you want me to play a guessing game instead of tearing into whatever it was under the lid? (That's what was scrolling through my head for about three seconds..) I finally decided to humor him and said "Chicken?" He said "No." I had been CRAVING Thanksgiving food for days and so with a ton of hope in my voice I guessed "Turkey?" "Yes. And what goes with turkey...?" I said the word "stuffing" as I was taking the top off of the plate. It was beautiful... A nice slab of juicy looking turkey sitting next to a pile of green beans and a heap of stuffing! I was so excited!!! A good sign? I think so!! I mean to get THE meal I was craving (at least a version of it anyway!) as my LAST meal in the hospital??? That doesn't just HAPPEN for everyone does it? I think not... I grabbed that fork and went to town. I was scraping the last bite off after what felt like four minutes... I looked over at my husband who just started laughing. "Did you want some?" I asked with a little bit of food still in my mouth. "Thankfully not." He said smiling. "It was that good huh?" I started smiling and shaking my head. "I was just so hungry.. But yeah.. Best meal they've brought up yet." Even though I didn't really eat much of the previous meals, I HAD to look at what they had brought. Hands down, BEST one! The doctor came in shortly AFTER I was done stuffing my face thankfully and said a nurse would be in with my final paperwork and then I was officially discharged... She came in ten minutes later and helped me gather up my stuff while my husband took some more stuff down to the truck before he picked me up at the door. I rode down in the elevator with her and told her I felt so bad leaving without her. Tears started to surface again and she set my bag down and hugged me. "They are going to take excellent care of her. She is in the best hands at the moment and even though it's hard now, she's so strong, she'll probably be home in time for Christmas." It was still hard knowing that I would be walking out alone but the fact that the nurse went out of her way to comfort me was so nice. I told her I would get to come back and see her when it was feeding time. We made it outside, my husband had pulled up to the curb and she helped me load the last of my stuff into the truck. I got in myself and after I closed the door, I looked at my husband and sighed. "It's ok" he said. I tried to give him a little hint of a smile as I looked back at the hospital doors before we pulled away without our baby girl...
             The next couple days blurred together as I followed the eating schedule they had planned for my daughter. I was there Wednesday night (my discharge day) from 5pm-9:45 pm, went home for a quick dinner and was back in time for her 11pm feeding. I would stay until around midnight if not a little after and then head home to get what little sleep I could in between pumping to have something to take when I went back to the hospital. My day went like this... 7am: got the girls up and ready for school, 7:40am: driving the girls to school to make it to the hospital by 8am which was feeding time, stay there until about 9:30 (when I would try to get breakfast), be back by 11am, get my kids from school at 2:30, be back to the hospital at 5 after my husband got home from work, go home around 6:30 to eat, go back to the hospital at 8, leave at 9:30, back at 11pm...... Yeah... Exhausting. Luckily my house was only five minutes from the hospital but STILL. Having to be somewhere every three hours while trying to do other life stuff... Harder than it sounds. I am thankful to say that almost every time I went there, I was given good news. From Wednesday afternoon to Friday morning she had lost all of her tubes, wires, machines and was even sleeping in a "normal" baby bed for newborns. Friday afternoon I cried when they told me to go home and pack an overnight bag because I would be staying with her in a transition room and assuming everything went well through the night and her weight was where it needed to be, we would be going home the next day. BOTH of us! I went home and packed my bag again before heading back to the hospital...
             I went up to where the rooms were and the nurse was getting my room ready for us. She put out blankets and a few pillows, wheeled in the factory sized breast pump, and then my daughter. She told me to call if I needed anything and that nurses would be in and out through the night to get her stats and check her weight. That was the first night and longest amount of time that I got to spend with my daughter since she had been born four days before. After quite a few feedings, even more diapers and very little sleep, it was morning. The nurse had brought me a nasty breakfast tray and paper work on breastfeeding and other things and the only thing I wanted to hear was that we were going home. They had come in and asked me about my night and I told them everything was fine and I was happy I was finally able to be with her and take care of her instead of nurses and doctors. When the nurse checked her weight at 10am she smiled and said "You get to go home today!" I could've kissed her. That was it. She did it. This little girl made her debut a month early and made it out of the hospital just DAYS after she did it. My heart was overflowing with all kinds of different emotions and feelings and all I could really do is smile. They told me it could be WEEKS and my baby girl was so strong and willful that she made it DAYS. I couldn't believe it but I scrambled around the room grabbing my things and stuffing them into my bag. I called my husband and told him to come get us. BOTH of us. That was the first day that my older girls came face to face with their new baby sister without a barrier between them. It was so sweet. We tucked her into her little car seat and fastened her in the car. We were done with the hospital. DONE. I was so happy and relieved. I rested my head on the back of my seat smiling. Hope had definitely conquered fear that week of my life. That was all I could do. Many thanks to the wonderful nurses and doctors who not only took care of my daughter but also put up with me the whole time. They definitely made a hard time a little easier with their care and concern. I know that it could've been a lot longer stay for her and there could've been several things go wrong or be wrong with her health wise. I am happy to say that we are all happy and healthy. I am a mother of three with all three of my beautiful daughters home with me. My baby continues to grow and is very strong. Everything with her is perfect. Will I be sleeping through the night any time soon? Probably not... But other than THAT... Perfect. Thank you all for holding on as long as you did to hear about my crazy time. I promise the humor will continue to come after this! I am sorry it took so long to get this part out (did I mention I'm a mother of three?) but thanks again for hanging on!!!! Until next time (LESS DRAMATIC I'M ALMOST POSITIVE!!!)... Have a great night everyone! -Super Mom