Some fucking times.... 😦

I'm in a very weird place at the moment... It's an area that lingers between sad, blah and angry.. Full disclosure: I despise the holiday season. I'm not one that gets filled with the jollies and cheek hurting smiles probably because I've experienced so much of the shit side of it. The ungrateful, greedy, hurtful, horrible side. I used to love the idea of gift giving and receiving and now it's just never good enough. That however will be its own little story I'm sure soon... Being that December is only pretty much a day away, the mood is already starting to settle. It's not even THAT that has me in this... funk right now. It's people. Last year was honestly the worst year of my life. I'm still not ready to see the words on a screen and I apologize for that. Still.. With work and my own life, things just buckled and damn near broke me. I lived a way because I wanted to and thought I was fine. It wasn't fine. I got what I wanted, sure, but after all that... It was a bad year. Since then however, I've reformed myself. Completely turned around. I have flashbacks to what I felt back then... And the feelings alone terrify me. "Keep moving forward" I'd think. "Anything behind me is in the past" and so on. It works. For a while. I'm constantly reminded though. All the time. When I'm reminded by things, it's hard but not nearly as bad as when I'm reminded by people. I've changed so much and still, they have their ways. And frankly, it pisses me off. I would love to feel happy and jolly this time of year. I would love to call everyone I love and overload them with funny stories and precious memories that give me such holiday cheer but instead, I dread my phone ringing a good 70% of the time because I just KNOW I'll be reminded that they KNOW how I used to be and I couldn't possibly have changed. FUCK YOU. What I want for Christmas this year is for those ALL KNOWING people to leave me alone. I don't give a shit about gifts, or money, or anything you can send to make yourself look good or feel better. I'm just so tired guys. I'm so fucking tired of trying so hard all the time and making everyone else happy just to feel... like THIS. While I raise my children, there are some things I refuse to do. I will not be their absolute non-mom best friend. The world is too fucked up these days for that. I will not let them do whatever they want. It doesn't always work like that in the real world so why give them a false light and mega freedom? And lastly, I will not give my children the world. Even though I want to, I refuse. My kids will leave my house KNOWING that the world doesn't owe them a God damn thing. They will understand that anything worth having, has to be worked for, earned. I want them to be decent, hard working, REAL people instead of self absorbed, undeserving, mean little assholes I see all over these days... They will make mistakes. Hopefully theirs won't be all that crazy. But I understand that they will make them. I know I'm judged. All the time... My hair... tattoos... piercings.. clothes.. attitude.. I go for so long looking past those idiots but some times... Some times they need to be reminded of just how ridiculous they are. I don't know any perfect people. That's because the phrase "perfect people" is an oxymoron. It doesn't make sense because it doesn't exist. I'm nowhere near perfect. I'm borderline insane most days but I am living in a better place now that I've changed. I haven't quite reached the top of the hill but I'm going in the right direction. Just typing this out has helped me strap back on my armor of steel and sarcasm... I need to keep letting things roll off of me. I am my strongest anchor.. No one can make me feel a certain way unless I give them the power to do so. I guess at the beginning of this, my lid was popped and the shit was just too much to push back down. Now that it's out... I can honestly say I feel a lot better. This one has been a roller coaster for you I'm sure. I'm so sorry. Trying to juggle numerous things bundled with the wife/mom role AND my serious contempt for the holidays... it was just a matter of time before I had a mini meltdown. While we're still in the positive light... I'm going to close this bitch out! :) (Before another random dam bursts... can't be too careful... I told you, I'm borderline insane most days..) Thank you so very much for not only clicking on this story but for holding on to the end. Hopefully tomorrow will be more exciting. :) Good night everyone..

-SuperMom

AYTF

Good morning. It's 5:50 am, 38 degrees and dark outside, my toddler is taking up most of my bed and to top it off... I have know I idea why the HELL I'm sitting here typing words instead of trying to sleep until my alarm goes off TWO HOURS from now! Some people say you have the most clarity as soon as you wake up... Those people.. are idiots. But, since I AM here, let's talk.
       Yesterday I was scrolling through old stories on here like I sometimes do and saw the highest read story... The remaining hospital days from when my youngest daughter (the now bed hogging toddler) was born. It's crazy, but as I read that very long post, I was taken back to those moments. The heart ache. The despair. The agonizing feeling of not KNOWING. When I left my hospital stay after the usual two days, I left alone. My daughter, being born a month early and just ten days before Christmas, had to stay behind. It was saddening, scary, and nothing I've ever felt before. Until now. I wrote a post on Facebook dedicated to my best friend. She's always in my heart and mind and I knew that it would make her smile when she woke up at 4:30 this morning for work if she saw it. I believe it worked. Have you ever wanted to give someone something that would make that person so unbelievably happy that they'd both laugh and cry? To brighten every day for them because you know that they need it and deserve it. How about this, have you ever been close enough to someone to feel what they feel? Be it happy... sad... devastated.? That's a real thing. Without getting into all of it and removing the scab, I will just say that someone near and dear to me went through something awful. I was with her for every part. From surprised.. pure joy.. caution.. worry.. sorrow. I felt the rainbow of emotions as she did (Yes I'm aware it's not the SAME for both of us). All I wanted to do is give her the world. The happiest most gentle spirit I've ever known was no longer happy. Do you know how crushing that is? VERY! I try like hell to be the best version of the friend I can be. To be unlike other people and make her laugh instead of keeping her in the sadness. Thankfully, I do a pretty good job I think. Though being insane and chaotic may also help... I already KNOW this, but the whole experience just magnified the thought. This is my best friend and my sister. I think if we were both in a Jigsaw trap and I needed to cut off an arm to set her free, I would do that. I mean it would SUCK afterwards... But I would. Crazy right? What's amazing to me is that this person came into my life years ago and has BEEN THERE ever since. She is a part of my life. A stranger met by chance in a sucky work place. The more we talked, the closer we got. We never went backwards. She was there for me when I had to leave the hospital without my daughter. She watched my kids so I could do a job. She has sat through SO MANY horror movies simply because she knows I love them. (She on the other hand... does not love them..) Amazing. Some times I think of how different my life would be if we'd never met. Well I try. It never works. She has been a part of SO MUCH that I seriously can't imagine life without her. What I'm going to leave with is this... If you have a friend like this in your life, make sure you treat them how they treat you. Don't let it turn into some one sided convenience. Make sure that you give as much as you receive. If you don't, one of the lights in your life could go out for good. I don't know about you, but I am thankful I'm not stuck in the dark. AYTF. (Appreciate your true friends). 

For those who haven't read The Remaining hospital days post I mentioned, take a look! Have a great Saturday everyone!

-SuperMom

OMFG GUIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLT

If there is one thing I cannot STAND about being a wife/mom, it's feeling guilt. I am doing a job that has no "off switch", I say the words "Thank you" and "I'm sorry" more than everyone I know put TOGETHER. I weigh the decision to buy myself things even if it's something necessary like SHAMPOO or CHAP STICK. People complain about things they lack and things like dinner so I ask, CONSTANTLY, "What would you like?" and "Do you need me to pick you up anything?" in which cases I'm usually met with something similar to "Eh, whatever" or "No, I'm good".  I clean my house more in a WEEK than a cat licks his ass in a MONTH. My shopping list "splurges" are when necessities like toilet paper and laundry detergent need to be replaced. I pay the bills, get groceries, handle all school associated crap including rides, I have to bitch out people when something goes wrong with a bill or service, cook most of the meals, clean, etc. You know when I get a break in the day? When my oldest kids are in school and my toddler takes a nap. Do you know when that is? NEVER. She stopped taking naps almost a year ago! Debt... Guilt's bitch of a mother. I HATE hearing about debt. But now and then, it happens. When it DOES happen, it brings to mind that something has to change, more has to go there or here, etc. The whole mood drags onto my already dragging day creating a nightmare like enigma that just won't LEAVE ME. Are we in trouble? No. Would it be nice to find a dead rich guy with millions of dollars on his person so we could wipe off every debt we had? Well sure! But sadly, I HAVEN'T FOUND THAT GUY YET. So now, the day after "splurging" on myself to get a haircut, I'm left here feeling this ANNOYING, NAGGING, RIDICULOUS feeling of GUILT. Justified? FUCK NO! I run around this place among others all day every day doing everything and anything that needs to be done for EVERYONE else in my family and I CAN'T STAND the thought of guilt drizzling down my already psychotic days! You know what I do when life gives me lemons? I sure as HELL don't start making lemonade. No, no, no... Instead, I take the whole bag or barrel of lemons and start chucking them RIGHT BACK INTO LIFE'S FACE! I have enough going on, I don't need you and YOUR DAMN LEMONS! As my blood pressure fades back to normal.... I have to remember a few things when I start to feel like I'm doing life all wrong... The main thing I have to remember is, where the FUCK would everyone be if I wasn't here. Boom. Check to the mate. Done. I will be marked a Bad mom. I drain myself of everything I have to make sure that everyone else's world spins ever so perfectly and so, NEVER AGAIN will I EVER feel this "guilt". It's a bad habit. One that is over. Why? Because it's ridiculous. And most importantly, on any given day, I probably think the same things as at LEAST 30 million other wife/moms and so from now on, when I have those moments of near insanity or rage, I will close my eyes and toast a make believe glass of wine to those others feeling the exact same way. I love you wife/moms out there. Keep your heads up. Spirits too (both feelings and actual drinks if you have them!) You're never alone out there. Until next time everyone...

-SuperMom

#MomProblems

Where have all the Trick-Or-Treater's gone...

Hey there! Halloween was a few days ago and I'm still a little puzzled about it. If you read my last post, you saw how Halloween is my favorite holiday. My kids love the day as well (on a healthy level compared to me...) and like every other kid, they are always excited to go trick or treating. Why wouldn't they be? You get to dress up, ring a doorbell and say TRICK OR TREAT!!! That's it! You follow the simple steps and you're treated with candies galore! We have this neighborhood that we go to every year (yes, I'm one of those who invade another neighborhood, get over it) and we go there for two reasons. One, we always have a parking spot and because it's one giant loop, we can walk in one big circle and then we're DONE! Two, the houses are HUGE.. Not like that means that much. They still buy the fun size of everything and there's still a limit... That aside, the kids walk out with a full bucket and are happy with their lot. A perfect ending to a wonderfully haunted season. When I was younger and in those days myself, we headed ALL OVER the place. We lived in the country so a lot of our stops were out in the middle of nowhere. We didn't care how many times we had to get in and out of the car (for the parents it may have been another story but they took us anyway!) as long as it meant us going home with a pile of candy that was OURS. Sure, parents checked it out for loose packaging and possible poisonings... That was just what you did. Part of the deal just in case some ass clown decided that injecting arsenic into a chocolate bar was something they needed to do. Thankfully though, the only thing close to poisonous were the occasional black licorice pieces or the nasty peanut butter things that came in either orange or black wrappers... Mary Jane's I want to say.. GROSS! Then there was candy sorting, trading, hiding, sneaking.. You know, normal kid to candy tendencies. It was and is an amazing tradition. Almost sacred. That being said... back to a few days ago... On our way to this neighborhood we visit, we passed an ASS LOAD of churches. (Just swallow your disgust please and move on...) Anyway. As we passed these overloaded areas, we couldn't help but stare at what was happening there... Trunk or treat... So if you're unfamiliar with these things, they go down like this... It's usually at a church or other business (the mall, dealership, etc.) and your kids can dress up to get a bulk of candy in ONE spot (people's trunks in the parking lot) and then BAM! You're done. So... driving by these fantastic groupings... this is what we saw.. LINES! We're talking jam packed parking lot and TONS of kids with their parents waiting in a LINE to get candy! If you've ever been to a theme park, this is an excellent comparison.. Think of the hot new roller coaster at the time and the horrible dreaded line that proceeded it... That's what Trunk or treat is like... Sounds like fun right? Yeah, I don't think so either.. But we passed more... and MORE.. Every lot FILLED with these.. people. We made it to our neighborhood, unloaded everyone and started the walk. By the end of the loop, the kids had maybe half of a plastic pumpkin full of candy. There were HALF as many houses as there were last year... So I have to ask, where have all the trick or treater's gone?!? Later that night as I scrolled through my phone I read that an asshole in New York rented a truck and mowed down a crowd of people killing eight. On Halloween... People dressed up, hanging out, just enjoying the holiday... That's when I started to realize something awful... Times today are very different from when I was toting around MY plastic pumpkin. Nowadays, (not something I thought I'd say for a LONG time...) the world is much darker and crazier than before. So much more twisted that something as simple and sacred as trick or treating is now viewed as possibly dangerous..? So much so that the safe alternative is to gather in large groups at businesses waiting in lines for $7 worth of candy? What's stopping the next crazy person who gets a wicked idea from plowing into THOSE crowds like the one in New York? It's a horrible spiral of unfortunate events. My dad told me "times are changing". No Dad, they've changed. I hope it's not all for the worst... But the dwindling numbers of simple trick or treaters doesn't give me too much hope.. Maybe I'm crazy. Okay, well I AM crazy but still.. Am I alone on this stuff? Are we doomed to long lines for everything? Aye, aye, aye.... Anyway, I hope you had a great Halloween no matter how you spent it. Fingers crossed for Thanksgiving... Let's hope there's not some wicked bird flu that forces us all to eat turkey shaped tofu or something... Not IMPOSSIBLE I guess... Have a good day everyone!

-SuperMom

What I love about Halloween...

A lot of people say the words "I love Halloween". But why? They like the scary movies... The haunted houses.. The candy? All of it? I'm going to say these words here and now. I LOVE HALLOWEEN. Now, I will tell you why...
           When I was younger, I loved all kinds of holidays. The beliefs and the wonder... Halloween has always been a favorite. I had many times where I was blamed for things or accused of "not being nice" without being able to plead my case. Built up for hopes for other holidays just to be let down or have others rub their stuff in my face without letting me enjoy it. The only holiday that never let me down was Halloween. I grew to not only love it but let myself become obsessed with it and everything that time of year entailed.... This was the one holiday a year that I could be totally selfish and not have to worry about ANYONE ELSE. I didn't have to pick out cards or gifts or wonder if someone was mad about a gift or sad or, or, OR ANYTHING. NONE of that! It stayed as it should, this WHOLE time! I can throw a creepy party... I can get my hands on all kinds of candy... I can scare the shit out of someone and they can't REALLY get mad about because that's the spirit of the season! The haunted houses and movies are bonuses. For someone who has to spend every other day of the worrying and taking care of everyone else, a day to be totally selfish might as well be one that can be enjoyed on many levels... Side note, I'm probably some form of psychotic being.. I take personal thrills in hearing people scream, even more so if I'M the one who made it happen. The makeup... costumes.. decorations... I feel for Halloween stuff how Santa feels about those fresh baked cookies.. It's all soooooo good... The demons, haunted baby dolls, fake blood, masks... I could be in stores for hours if I was able to be. (The two year old has her limits...) With all of the creepy stuff and the release of millions of pumpkin spice EVERYTHING this time of year.. it's hard to not feel overjoyed! I design things for my house.. One of a kind creatures and props that are born in MY mind and brought to "life". It's relaxing.. calming.. and also saddening because.. once the fabulously creepy night comes to an end, the disgusting end of year holiday track loads up its crazy train full of Christmas obsessed delusionals and I loathe having to see the train let alone being expected to board it. (Kids and all....) Everyone just gets so frantic and crazy. OVER STUPID SHIT. The latest toy craze that everyone and their brother spends 3 times as much for even though it will be just as appreciated as everything else for the same disappointing short time frame... The scramble for holiday photos in matching sweaters that can be used on perfectly monogrammed holiday cards that will be sent to everyone in your contact list just to remind people you're alive and oh so cheery even if you DON'T talk to them the rest of the year... The requests from children that once could fit on a post it note now comes in mini binders complete with size, color, quantity and photos of their expectations that must be met to avoid asshole mode for a few weeks... The pressure to cook a five star meal that takes all day to prepare just for people to stuff their faces in all of fifteen minutes before becoming stuffed and useless for the next few hours... Money, money, money... Stuff, stuff, stuff. Gimme, gimme, GIMME! I used to love Christmas...  Now however, aside from good friends and family, I could honestly say FUCK CHRISTMAS and go on with my days without it. So bringing it back... THIS TIME OF YEAR... is my favorite. It's MINE. I can create and scare and be the creepiest bitch in the neighborhood and it's AMAZING! There's only a few weeks left in this beautiful month... That breaks my heart... However, until it's over, IT'S ON! I would post some pics of things born this year... BUT.. I have people who come to the parties and everything until then is TOP SECRET... part of the fun... They expect no less from me.. :)
        This rant, by the way, was brought to you thanks to Hobby Lobby having FIFTEEN AISLES ALREADY DEDICATED TO CHRISTMAS (NOT INCLUDING CENTER AISLE DISPLAYS!) AND EVERY STORE FOLLOWING THEIR GOD DAMN LEAD! >:(

Enjoy this month my beloved creeps... After this, it's all uphill...

-Super Mom

The Mom who went SNAP.. A cautionary tale..

There once was a mother
Who lived life quite well
If she had a bad day
No one could tell
She did all the things
that good mothers do
the housework, activities,
even work too.
Prepared all the meals
and prepped kids for bed
you'd never know
of the things in her head.
She strolled with a smile
No matter the day
Always so chipper
in every which way.
Now, she's not from Stepford
And she's not just some wife
She just tries to be happy
and live a nice life.
But being a person
she's bound to have flaws
which makes her normal
breaking no laws.
She had days in her head
where she wanted to scream
we've all been there
you know what I mean.
But she didn't at all
Not one little noise
not even when stepping
on strewn about toys.
Or while shopping, cleaning
or making the food
You just couldn't tell
when she hit a bad mood.
The moods,she suppressed
were like cheese in a trap
Ready to blow? Possibly...
SNAP!!!
Until one fine day
She met someone new
So intriguingly different
What else could she do.
She soon came to see
this new girl was THERE
She could talk about good things
bad things, She Cared!
She started to feel
her tension, it budged.
It was nice being HER
without feeling judged.
She could say what she wanted
and tell how she feels.
To this new mom in town
Who really seemed.. REAL.
They shared stories, some jokes
and even drank wine.
Both venting frustrations
and seemed to be fine.
At last! The mom said,
Her thoughts could be shared
With another real mom
who would always be there.
It is very important
For a mom to have space
and a person to vent to
no matter the case.
All of us moms have
had some form of trap
That lingers and looms
ready to snap...
I'm thankful for women
I have in my life
with whom I share happiness,
grief, love and strife.
The mom in this story,
She could be quite real.
Wearing a mask
that hides what she feels.
Be thankful for ones
who see past it all
who break up the normal
to help catch what falls.
Never be scared to share
worries and crap
It will help you avoid the
Super Mom SNAP!
MOM upside down spells
something quite true.
It spells out WOW
because of all that we do.
So take off the cape and
pour you a glass
sit down with a friend
and laugh off your ass.
You just never know
How happy you'd be
Until you find that ONE mom
Like how this mom found me.


Yes.

-SuperMom 😍

Happy Anniversary to us! Rated.. hmm....

I can't even produce an excuse good enough to explain my absence. Kids, school, work.. I've been a little checked out, exploring new things. ANYWAY. I'M HERE RIGHT NOW!

Today, September 11 2017, marks my 13th anniversary. Life together these last 13 years have been like a Disney movie... A Disney movie, hugged by a suspenseful drama with a dash of horror and loads of comedy elements throughout. (Nobody has died, don't be so negative..) Basically what I'm trying to say... Anyone who describes their marriage as a Disney movie where life is all kittens and rainbows with singing animals and quirky characters and over the top happy ending possibilities with a heartwarming song.. is full of shit. A marriage, a REAL marriage, takes a lot more than whistling while you work. It takes compromise, sacrifice, hard work, commitment. It takes a hell of a lot if you want the possibility for that happily ever after. Real love is both easy AND hard. The coming together of two people is not something everyone is made for. You're seriously altering your existence to fit with your other half. It can be frustrating and nerve wrecking.. However, if you find your person.. All of that can be washed away. It will still pop up BUT, a million little amazing things will wipe it right off the board... I feel, especially these days, that 13 years is a long time. So many people these days it seems, fall in love, get married and two years later... They're no longer together. Of course there can be a lot of elements... You realize you don't operate well in the same space... There are compromises not wanting to be made.. The love was actually lust.. and the list goes on. So again, to me, 13 is a long time. And though we haven't always been each others Princess and Prince Charming, he is and always will be the piece that completes my twisted ass puzzle. I have to give big props to my husband every day, not just anniversaries, because I can be a HANDFUL. An emotional, crazy, headstrong Aries (Look that up, you'll get it if you don't already know..) On our amazing roller coaster of life we've had several dips, turns and corkscrew segments. I like to think that we come out of those stronger and more appreciative than before. I'm happy to say that for the last little bit, the coaster is running smooth.. Fast paced with a jolt thrown in here and there but still the best ride I could've ever been on. And no matter what lies ahead, we'll be bulldozing it hand in hand as one horrific beast as opposed to two scared people. Husband of mine, I know I don't have a singing bird, a fairy or even deer who help me sweep... But I hope I have made you as happy as you have made me all this time. Happy Anniversary to us and may there be many, MANY more. More stories, more laughs, more moments, hugs, kisses, more times that I wake more thankful than the day before to have you in my life. I love you more than everything. Forever, always and longer.

Thanks for checking this out everyone and thank you for the well wishes and words of wisdom and support! <3

Until next time...
-SuperMom

Noooooooooo

Happy Friday!

House Hunting... Part one... :/

Good morning(ish) everyone out there! Life has been kicking my ass here lately. The kids only have a few months left of school, my youngest is a two year monster who's mood swings more than mine does, my husband is starting a new schedule at work AND, on top of everything... WE'RE BUYING A HOUSE! I knew it was going to be an adventure... But damn... Never would I think it would be like it has been so far... If everything goes well, we should have keys in hand in less than a month.... I am so ready to get out of this rental and back into something that is actually OURS! I am determined to make this the smoothest, easiest move ever. To prepare for that... I've already begun packing things at my current home AND ridding my walls of colors (they'll charge me if I leave with colored walls still here...) Yup, I am ready to go and all I need... the keys. We have been looking at houses since late last year just to see what the market was made of. Most of it... Crap. Either REALLY nice houses with NO yard or TONS of yard with a SHITTY house OR an okay house and yard in a horrible area... There were no "That's amazing!" finds that we were able to see but we kept looking anyway... It didn't help that our list had several specifics on it... Four bedrooms.. At LEAST two bathrooms... decent kitchen... YARD!.. Good neighborhood.. good schools.. Not IN the city.. and so on.. We looked and looked and of course the homes that checked off every box on our list were THOUSANDS of dollars out of our desired range. We gave up for a little while and then started back again. We had even gone to model displays to look at modular homes. Beautiful homes... just not for us. The end of January was our first real showing in a real home... A huge (over 3,000 sq ft) home with six bedrooms, three bathrooms, three car garage, in ground pool, workshop and even it's own commercial building on the property... We learned that the house was over 100 years old, the garage was a long building with three openings (no doors), the workshop was half caved in on the back of the property, it sat right next to a fire department, the pool had been covered (since 1989), and the inside of the house was like a labyrinth of turns and doors with plenty of closets and hiding places... Though we were a little deterred by the projects we would have to do, we saw what COULD be and fell in love... So much so that we even set up another appointment to see it again with my friend. We spent the week in between visits dreaming and scheming and thinking of questions we could ask the realtor about the house.. We saw it again.. still loved it, but started realizing all that would come with signing the contract... Lead paint removal... asbestos... updated windows.. new piping throughout... and the list grew.. Considering the house itself was listed for $180,000, it started to weigh us down that we would constantly be adding to that and so... we decided that wasn't the way to go. We figured we needed to find a house new enough where we COULD do things if we wanted to do to make it better and not old enough where we HAD to do things just to be comfortable. The old house... was gone... I feel like I broke the realtors heart when I told her that... She didn't even text me back. Yeah, that one was done. It was back to Google, Zillow, Trulia, Realtor, ReMax, Century 21 and so on to try to find another possibility... A few weeks went by and we found a lot of half listers but none really worth looking at. Eventually, we found a few! We had set up an appointment with a different realtor who had a listing about an hour away and he said he would also show us two other homes in the same area. I really wasn't looking forward to being THAT far out, but figured with the features listed and the looks from the photos, they would be worth a look in person. We get to the first home, the only one of the three listed by this particular realtor and he wasn't there. We noticed the realty sign in the yard... It looked like a poster board or something with some crooked lettering on it. Okay.. Instead of waiting in the car, my husband and I decided to get a private look at the back yard. It was nice. No fence or anything, but nice. By the time we made it back out front, an older man was just unlocking the front the door. The realtor. He seemed very nice and knew a lot about the house and neighborhood. Once we hit the living room, I realized he may know a little too much. I started really listening to him say things like "We just had the carpets replaced a year ago" and "We have four bedrooms you'll love upstairs". The particulars... the homemade sign... He was a "realtor" trying to sell us HIS house. Okay... We continued the tour and though the house looked nice in photos (don't they always) the rooms were not very big and there wasn't any room to GROW with all of our stuff. When we were finished and while he locked the door, the realtor says, "So, do you love it? Or do you still want to see the other homes?" We gave him a kind and courteous little laugh and said that since we were out there anyway, it would be nice to see the other ones. That's when he chimed in with "Well, one of them are already under contract. We can see the other one if you really want to  but they're going like hotcakes up here! Oh and uh, I have a man coming from Washington next weekend to see this one so if you want me to start things, just let me know!" We got in the car after him saying he's got his GPS all set and ready to go so we could follow him. After a wrong turn and going many streets out of the way, we decided to get to the house ourselves. We found it quickly, before him and so again, we took that time to scope out the back yard. This home looked GREAT. In pictures... Six bedrooms... three baths... blah, blah, blah.... After he got there and let us in, we realized that it did have six rooms that could have been bedrooms... The house was actually three bedrooms, one bonus room, and two other bedrooms that were once the dining room and family room... Yeah... As bad it sounds. It was a DIY job and it was very obvious. Well, that OR a very shitty and or drunk handyman job. Either way, it wasn't what we expected. At all. By the time we were ready to go, the old man said again "Well, I'll sell you my house! We can get it going right now if you want." We, still very nicely, said that we still had some other homes to look at, including one in our city later that same day. He reminded us about the whole hotcakes thing, AGAIN, before handing me his business card (a piece of card stock with some not so straight lettering...) and telling us goodbye. As we drove home, we decided three things... One, that guy was nuts. Two, we were going to shoot for something closer to home. And three, good looking pictures of houses... MEAN NOTHING! Later that day we met up with our realtor in town and she showed us a couple more houses closer to us. We liked the idea of one... however... no yard. It started to become an assumption that after every house we entered, we were bound to walk deflated for one reason or another. The next day while we were driving home from a store, my phone rang. I recognized the number and decided to let it go to voicemail.. The old man realtor... When 30 seconds had gone by with no DING from a voicemail, I thought we were in the clear. NOPE! Almost TWO minutes after my phone stopped ringing, a new voicemail popped up... Really? Yup. He was letting me know that there was an offer made on his house BUT he didn't like the offer amount and so if we were interested, he would help us out so that our family could get in there.... It went on... and on... and ON. I slipped my phone back into my purse and didn't even bother to call back. I figured that being a seasoned "realtor", he would probably get what that meant. Hopefully. (Days went by with no other contact so I guess he did!) We saw a few more houses here and there, all of which fell short one way (or more) or another. Then we saw it... It had only been listed a week and in writing, matched what we were looking for! It was close, nice big already fenced in back yard, two stories, six bedrooms, three bathrooms, two car garage and even two living rooms AND two kitchens! (Not like we need that, but still!) The price was the only thing that stopped us from taking it seriously at first but we decided, it was definitely worth a look. Our realtor scheduled for us to see it and on that day... we saw it.. ALL of it...

I feel like one of those horrible movie directors who decide to split a movie in half to make more money, however... There is a lot that will go into THIS house... It is very much worthy of its own post. I have a few things to do today but it will in the very least be started today! Have a great Friday everyone!

-SuperMom

New year... new look.... 2017 WILL be good!

................

MY KIND OF ABC'S

This feeling sucks.

I think the worst feeling I have is when I feel like I've failed at something... Work.. friendships... marriage... parenthood... I know I'm not alone by any means but when those off days hit and I feel overloaded with guilt and hurt, it's hard to NOT seem like I'm all by myself. To avoid that feeling, some days I'm overly anxious or cautious which is exhausting and annoying as fuck if we're being completely honest. I don't like to tiptoe into ANYTHING and yet some times, I feel like I almost have to. Here's an example... My husband and I play video games. We play when our kids are in d and want to play something either alone or together after we've spent our time together. It's totally fine. In fact, I LOVE IT! I can take the frustrations of the day out in a world where I can shoot and mame things without fear of prison or mental institutions. It's great. Well..... My husband decided that he wasn't going to do it anymore (no idea how long that will go on for) and even went as far as taking his computer down to the basement to sit unplugged and boxed up... Personally, I'm an Xbox girl and have my systems in the living room.. "So...am I supposed to take my stuff down too or...?" I say. "No, I can just sit on the couch and watch or go to bed early." He says. RIIIIIIGGGGHHHT. So here are my choices... If I want to play MY game, I can put it on and risk the "You chose IT over ME" thing that could arise, "Force" him to go to bed early or just NOT ever play again.... For the past few days since this happened, we've played a game together on my system or have watched movies together. Don't get me wrong, it's fun and I love the dedicated time but one day.. I will want to play a game alone.. No, I will NEED to! And just thinking of that idea makes me feel like I would be failing as a wife... Only in a small way. In a bigger way, I'm maintaining sanity. That was just a small example. More instances come up here and there and I'm equally torn even if it's something I can't control or do... One of my kids wants me to be a chaperone (we've read about THAT experience), it's approaching dinner time and I have no desire to cook, I hear my baby on the monitor and lay still for a minute wishing she would go back to sleep.. It goes on and on. Why are we burdened with such crazy feelings?!? We, as moms, already have SO much going on every day with taking care of the kids we had, the spouses we married, the homes we are slaves to. Can we get NO BREAKS??? I'm not the first to breathe these thoughts and I definitely will not be the last but man... it's still a tough reality some times. I know that I have some big moments that will possibly put me in this position again coming up this year... My husband getting a crappy schedule.. Buying a new house.. my daughters switching schools.. It just seems never ending. I know I will fall short one time or another (or more) and the fact that I KNOW that... yeah.. SUCKS. For as long as we have the gift of thought, we will have the curse of having to over-think. Hopefully the obstacles that wait for me are smooth and easy... Only time will tell.... I'm not a bare minimum anything, I will continue to take the bumps in the road as they come to me without intentionally seeking them out for fun, and I'm only as good as I let myself be. Have a great day guys and gals. Thanks for letting me exhale...

-SuperMom

2017

Hello 2017!

Good morning everyone! It has been about a month since my last post and for that I am deeply sorry. December was full of crazy drama due to an event that I was a part of... That will probably need it's own little blurb when it's finally OVER. Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Personally, I am beyond happy that I have officially buried 2016. It was a year of many firsts and hopefully lasts... I went to places I had never been before, seen and done things I hadn't before and even experienced horrible things I wish I hadn't. I don't think I've ever been more ready for a fresh start with a brand new calendar. Some of the changes I have encountered may give me some more time to do THIS.. Wouldn't that be something? To actually fill out a month's worth of posts IN a month... Hmm... A resolution? Perhaps... Then again, it is only 6:45 am (and I HAVE been up since 4:45) so I could just be delirious.. Hmm.. I guess we'll see what happens! What I've been shown very greatly this past year is that it's good to have some pillar friends. I don't like to have a TON of friends because honestly, that's a TON more stuff that comes with them.. More birthdays, time slots to fill, drama. Yeah.. When it comes to CLOSE friends, I have a handful. Thankfully though, my handful is pretty amazing and helped hold me up even when I wanted to fall. That whole blip is in the past but I'm still very thankful and grateful for the people who helped me through it. With that being said, this is a highlight reel for the POSITIVE crap that last brought me...

- I went to Medieval Times for the first time ever

- My family and I took a vacation that went somewhere BESIDES Michigan for a change (Myrtle         Beach)

- The girls all had great birthdays turning 11, 8 and 2.

- My oldest daughter was accepted to a great middle school academy

- We got a minivan! (Yes, it may seem sad but if you're a mom who has one, you get it!)

- My husband got a new job with an amazing company

- I got another (Ok, TWO) tattoo

- My husband bought me an Xbox One

- My brother flew down to drive up to MI with me and then lived with us for 2 months while helping   me with the Christmas event.

- The girls and I went to Michigan

- My sister had her first baby girl

- I became a helpful aunt to my nieces

- We celebrated our anniversary alone and actually DID stuff

- My best friend got married and moved into a new home

- I got a new phone that was recalled for blowing up (but I still have it....)

- The baby moved out of the crib and has slept PERFECTLY in her twin size race car bed with NO        problems!

And the list goes on...
I'm happy about all the positive stuff but I'm still glad to put it behind me. I am hopeful that this new year holds good things for me and my family. Our biggest adventures include wiping away debt and moving into a house that will be OURS! That is probably the thing I am most excited for... A new house. It just sets the stage for everything new and good to come for us. More room... better location... NO FREAKING LANDLORD! Ah yes.. So many positives.. That will have it's own post too as we ramp to that exhausting process. In short, thank you 2016 for your good things, new trips, great memories, good movies, memorable songs, and even the amusing sorted drama. You won't be as missed as other years by any means but I wouldn't have the good things if you simply didn't exist and so... rest in peace last year. Good bye forever.

Happy NEW year everyone! Have a great Sunday! (Without Walking Dead sadly...)

-SuperMom