This feeling sucks.

I think the worst feeling I have is when I feel like I've failed at something... Work.. friendships... marriage... parenthood... I know I'm not alone by any means but when those off days hit and I feel overloaded with guilt and hurt, it's hard to NOT seem like I'm all by myself. To avoid that feeling, some days I'm overly anxious or cautious which is exhausting and annoying as fuck if we're being completely honest. I don't like to tiptoe into ANYTHING and yet some times, I feel like I almost have to. Here's an example... My husband and I play video games. We play when our kids are in d and want to play something either alone or together after we've spent our time together. It's totally fine. In fact, I LOVE IT! I can take the frustrations of the day out in a world where I can shoot and mame things without fear of prison or mental institutions. It's great. Well..... My husband decided that he wasn't going to do it anymore (no idea how long that will go on for) and even went as far as taking his computer down to the basement to sit unplugged and boxed up... Personally, I'm an Xbox girl and have my systems in the living room.. "So...am I supposed to take my stuff down too or...?" I say. "No, I can just sit on the couch and watch or go to bed early." He says. RIIIIIIGGGGHHHT. So here are my choices... If I want to play MY game, I can put it on and risk the "You chose IT over ME" thing that could arise, "Force" him to go to bed early or just NOT ever play again.... For the past few days since this happened, we've played a game together on my system or have watched movies together. Don't get me wrong, it's fun and I love the dedicated time but one day.. I will want to play a game alone.. No, I will NEED to! And just thinking of that idea makes me feel like I would be failing as a wife... Only in a small way. In a bigger way, I'm maintaining sanity. That was just a small example. More instances come up here and there and I'm equally torn even if it's something I can't control or do... One of my kids wants me to be a chaperone (we've read about THAT experience), it's approaching dinner time and I have no desire to cook, I hear my baby on the monitor and lay still for a minute wishing she would go back to sleep.. It goes on and on. Why are we burdened with such crazy feelings?!? We, as moms, already have SO much going on every day with taking care of the kids we had, the spouses we married, the homes we are slaves to. Can we get NO BREAKS??? I'm not the first to breathe these thoughts and I definitely will not be the last but man... it's still a tough reality some times. I know that I have some big moments that will possibly put me in this position again coming up this year... My husband getting a crappy schedule.. Buying a new house.. my daughters switching schools.. It just seems never ending. I know I will fall short one time or another (or more) and the fact that I KNOW that... yeah.. SUCKS. For as long as we have the gift of thought, we will have the curse of having to over-think. Hopefully the obstacles that wait for me are smooth and easy... Only time will tell.... I'm not a bare minimum anything, I will continue to take the bumps in the road as they come to me without intentionally seeking them out for fun, and I'm only as good as I let myself be. Have a great day guys and gals. Thanks for letting me exhale...

-SuperMom