OMFG GUIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLT

If there is one thing I cannot STAND about being a wife/mom, it's feeling guilt. I am doing a job that has no "off switch", I say the words "Thank you" and "I'm sorry" more than everyone I know put TOGETHER. I weigh the decision to buy myself things even if it's something necessary like SHAMPOO or CHAP STICK. People complain about things they lack and things like dinner so I ask, CONSTANTLY, "What would you like?" and "Do you need me to pick you up anything?" in which cases I'm usually met with something similar to "Eh, whatever" or "No, I'm good".  I clean my house more in a WEEK than a cat licks his ass in a MONTH. My shopping list "splurges" are when necessities like toilet paper and laundry detergent need to be replaced. I pay the bills, get groceries, handle all school associated crap including rides, I have to bitch out people when something goes wrong with a bill or service, cook most of the meals, clean, etc. You know when I get a break in the day? When my oldest kids are in school and my toddler takes a nap. Do you know when that is? NEVER. She stopped taking naps almost a year ago! Debt... Guilt's bitch of a mother. I HATE hearing about debt. But now and then, it happens. When it DOES happen, it brings to mind that something has to change, more has to go there or here, etc. The whole mood drags onto my already dragging day creating a nightmare like enigma that just won't LEAVE ME. Are we in trouble? No. Would it be nice to find a dead rich guy with millions of dollars on his person so we could wipe off every debt we had? Well sure! But sadly, I HAVEN'T FOUND THAT GUY YET. So now, the day after "splurging" on myself to get a haircut, I'm left here feeling this ANNOYING, NAGGING, RIDICULOUS feeling of GUILT. Justified? FUCK NO! I run around this place among others all day every day doing everything and anything that needs to be done for EVERYONE else in my family and I CAN'T STAND the thought of guilt drizzling down my already psychotic days! You know what I do when life gives me lemons? I sure as HELL don't start making lemonade. No, no, no... Instead, I take the whole bag or barrel of lemons and start chucking them RIGHT BACK INTO LIFE'S FACE! I have enough going on, I don't need you and YOUR DAMN LEMONS! As my blood pressure fades back to normal.... I have to remember a few things when I start to feel like I'm doing life all wrong... The main thing I have to remember is, where the FUCK would everyone be if I wasn't here. Boom. Check to the mate. Done. I will be marked a Bad mom. I drain myself of everything I have to make sure that everyone else's world spins ever so perfectly and so, NEVER AGAIN will I EVER feel this "guilt". It's a bad habit. One that is over. Why? Because it's ridiculous. And most importantly, on any given day, I probably think the same things as at LEAST 30 million other wife/moms and so from now on, when I have those moments of near insanity or rage, I will close my eyes and toast a make believe glass of wine to those others feeling the exact same way. I love you wife/moms out there. Keep your heads up. Spirits too (both feelings and actual drinks if you have them!) You're never alone out there. Until next time everyone...

-SuperMom