I wonder about this question all the time when I people watch. It could be in the middle of a busy store... Or watching a random runner jog by at the park.. I know that everyone is afraid of something. Even if you say you're not... in one way or another.. You know you are. It could be the dark that frightens you. But I go beyond that. "The Dark" is so vague and full of possibilities dealing with frightening things but.. what is it exactly about the dark.. The fact that your vision is skewed? The thought of something standing there watching you just out of sight? Maybe it's the noises IN the dark... The rustle of dead leaves.. Branches crunching steps behind you.. The growl of an animal you know isn't yours maybe? Maybe some people just need light. Almost like the logic switch in their brain turns off when the sun goes down. I love the dark. The quiet that usually accompanies it. Sure, off putting noises make eye brows raise some times... But that adds to the mystery. Seeing things.. if you're lucky (or in some cases, not so lucky) your mind pairs with your eyes and plays tricks. I don't find it particularly scary but.. I can see how it would be for some. There's an absolute comfort in the night for me. The moon is a well earned token after a long day... The air is calm and cool.. The world puts parts of itself to sleep while other parts roam free.. It's crazy to think how different people can be. I know of people who wouldn't even dream of stepping outside after nightfall. They could be reading this and thinking I'M crazy right now while others feel the truth in every word. Some people hide fear so well. It honestly fascinates me. The world has become SO fearful these days.. I remember when the big fears were things like: the dark, tight spaces, water, clowns, heights, death... Nowadays.. damn near EVERYTHING has an official "phobia" linked to it.. For example... Sidonglobophobia. Sounds crazy right? It's the fear of cotton balls... Or this.. Fear of long words. Wanna know what THAT phobia is? Take a breath... Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. Okay, that WORD is somewhat terrifying because... DAMN. But the fear? Really? I know that fears can come from problems in life too, not just things both real and.. well, like that last one. I understand people having those kinds of fears. Guy loses his job, possibility of losing his house.. That's scary shit. But being afraid of say... CHINS?!? (Geniphobia by the way, yes, sadly.. it's real..) Come on people... What the hell makes people afraid of a chin? Maybe they had John Travolta in mind.. maybe that's just too much? I can get not loving them but seriously. See, I think of things like that and then think.. If this chick is afraid of a chin, should she also be afraid of the dark? There could be a Jay Leno knock off lurking behind the bushes at night just waiting for her.. I don't know.. How do you know when your deep thoughts turn into real fears? Is it after thinking the same thing for so long? To be afraid... I guess life wouldn't be quite the same if we weren't afraid of some things.. Pleasantville was boring before color.. Just like this world would be without fear.. I may come back to this one.. The thought of it does intrigue me so... Have a great night everyone.. Going to check out the moon.. You know, in the dark... ;)
-SuperMom
Thursday, June 7, 2018
Saturday, June 2, 2018
Yeah, bitch. (1)
Lately I've been getting lost in life. I work to be ten steps ahead only to reach five of those before I fall back to two steps behind. This year was going to be the year of positive change. I started so over the top convinced that I could make so many things happen for myself that by the time the year ended, I could sit back, exhale and say "Yeah bitch... You did it." Like this blog. On December 31st, I was DETERMINED to sit my ass here at this screen EVERY DAY even if just for a few minutes to write about my day. That's it! Nothing crazy, nothing hard and I'm HERE ANYWAY! And still.... nope. The diet. SO revved up about that. Ready to close the chapter and blow people away and shut them the hell up. Yeah... Lasted ABOUT four months and then... poof. I had a system with so many extensions... Then they started to disappear. To disintegrate into nothing. Then I reverted back to bad habits and became pissed at myself for dropping the ball. Had I stuck with it, my GOD what a difference I would see.. Then thinking like THAT makes me feel horrible. Jobs.. That's a weird one too if I do say so myself... I still do my photography when I have the time and sitter and I've even taken on the role of being a virtual assistant. Yeah. We'll save that story for some other time.. Where I live.. It's like a fucking high school and if it were up to me, the prom queen wannabe would just choke and disappear already. (That will also have to wait.. lol interesting and irritating as fuck all at the same time..) Yeah.. people are ridiculous. The school year is almost over, it's already hot as Hell outside, it's almost time to see my family and in-laws. I really wish I could have a selection of filters to use in the real world. Just a quick screen to step into to make everything seem picture perfect. Sadly though, it's not a possible thing. (YET). Aye, aye, aye.. I know, "SO MANY PROBLEMS!"
I really want the summer to just fucking fly. Bring on the fall! Dead leaves, Halloween, cool breezes, pumpkin everything... But no.. For the next two weeks, I'm going to be.. enslaved. The last chance to buckle down in hopes of shutting down any bad thoughts or vibes others want to cast in my direction. I don't need luck. I don't need a miracle. I just need to focus on being the one to say "Yeah bitch... You did it." We'll start with the next two weeks and by the end of the year, I'm determined to have a "YEAH BITCH!" party.. Also, another time... ;) Thanks for soaking up the madness that is this puddle of problems. LOVE YA!
-SuperMom
I really want the summer to just fucking fly. Bring on the fall! Dead leaves, Halloween, cool breezes, pumpkin everything... But no.. For the next two weeks, I'm going to be.. enslaved. The last chance to buckle down in hopes of shutting down any bad thoughts or vibes others want to cast in my direction. I don't need luck. I don't need a miracle. I just need to focus on being the one to say "Yeah bitch... You did it." We'll start with the next two weeks and by the end of the year, I'm determined to have a "YEAH BITCH!" party.. Also, another time... ;) Thanks for soaking up the madness that is this puddle of problems. LOVE YA!
-SuperMom
Wednesday, April 25, 2018
A dream is only as real as you make it...
Some time ago on here I wrote a post about having a dream that involved my grandfather. He passed away from cancer when I was right around 15ish. In my dream at the time, he didn't speak but smiled at me. It's fuzzy now and honestly I'd have to re-read the post to get it right I'm sure. Last nights dream however... is very clear right now.
I was reading through an email on a park bench. I was the only one on the bench and the one across from me was empty completely. As I scrolled through this email, I started to cry. It was more than just a rejection notice from the literary agency I had submitted to, it was a horrifying break down. The gist of it was that there was no way a highly rated firm was going to pick up and carry a piece of no talent trash like me that peddled out meaningless notes that are far from worthy to be printed in an actual book. (Rough right?!? Assholes...) I cried and when the email was read fully I reeled my arm back and chucked my phone over the bench across from me where there was now an old man sitting. Thankfully, it whizzed past him. "Oh my God! I am so sorry! I didn't think anyone was there, I was really into my message, I am so, so sorry." The old man smiled at me and said "Not a problem, no harm done." His voice was so familiar... He didn't have a phone but instead picked up a newspaper and held it in front of his face to read. On the back, where I could see, were the obituaries. And three names over with his picture and all... My grandpas name. Without moving the newspaper out of the way, he spoke again and I couldn't help but stare, frozen. "Some times things seem bigger than they are. Some times we just need to step back and realize that a dream is only as real as you make it. If it were easy to do, it wouldn't be called a dream, but instead a routine. You're bigger than a routine my dear. I know you believe in things and even fewer people. But never forget, the one you have to believe in the most... is you sweetheart. Just because a door slams in your face, doesn't mean it's gone. It means you power through it again or find another door."
More tears continued to fall as I heard my grandfathers voice tell me all of those very true things. It was almost like he was hiding in plain sight and needed to tell me that as I was getting a door slammed in my face. As if not to "out" him, I sniffled and said "Thank you for all of that. If my grandpa was here next to me, I feel like he'd tell me the same things. Thank you, sir." With that, the old man folded up the paper, stood up, smiled at me while tipping his hat and then walked away. I sat there wishing I could've hugged that man. But he was gone. I stayed on the bench watching the sun set before I woke up.
Waking up from that, it was hard. Hard to know that I couldn't call him up and tell him about it and even hard to repeat yet again, that it was all true. I can't let obstacles stop me from what I want to do. If one route gets completely blocked, I either bulldoze my way through or find a better way. It seems shorter written down but oh so vivid in my mind.. I wish I could hug him.. It's crazy that that was more than half my life ago.. Crazy stuff. Have a great Wednesday guys. Sorry it's not longer but I had to share it before it was gone. :)
-SuperMom
I was reading through an email on a park bench. I was the only one on the bench and the one across from me was empty completely. As I scrolled through this email, I started to cry. It was more than just a rejection notice from the literary agency I had submitted to, it was a horrifying break down. The gist of it was that there was no way a highly rated firm was going to pick up and carry a piece of no talent trash like me that peddled out meaningless notes that are far from worthy to be printed in an actual book. (Rough right?!? Assholes...) I cried and when the email was read fully I reeled my arm back and chucked my phone over the bench across from me where there was now an old man sitting. Thankfully, it whizzed past him. "Oh my God! I am so sorry! I didn't think anyone was there, I was really into my message, I am so, so sorry." The old man smiled at me and said "Not a problem, no harm done." His voice was so familiar... He didn't have a phone but instead picked up a newspaper and held it in front of his face to read. On the back, where I could see, were the obituaries. And three names over with his picture and all... My grandpas name. Without moving the newspaper out of the way, he spoke again and I couldn't help but stare, frozen. "Some times things seem bigger than they are. Some times we just need to step back and realize that a dream is only as real as you make it. If it were easy to do, it wouldn't be called a dream, but instead a routine. You're bigger than a routine my dear. I know you believe in things and even fewer people. But never forget, the one you have to believe in the most... is you sweetheart. Just because a door slams in your face, doesn't mean it's gone. It means you power through it again or find another door."
More tears continued to fall as I heard my grandfathers voice tell me all of those very true things. It was almost like he was hiding in plain sight and needed to tell me that as I was getting a door slammed in my face. As if not to "out" him, I sniffled and said "Thank you for all of that. If my grandpa was here next to me, I feel like he'd tell me the same things. Thank you, sir." With that, the old man folded up the paper, stood up, smiled at me while tipping his hat and then walked away. I sat there wishing I could've hugged that man. But he was gone. I stayed on the bench watching the sun set before I woke up.
Waking up from that, it was hard. Hard to know that I couldn't call him up and tell him about it and even hard to repeat yet again, that it was all true. I can't let obstacles stop me from what I want to do. If one route gets completely blocked, I either bulldoze my way through or find a better way. It seems shorter written down but oh so vivid in my mind.. I wish I could hug him.. It's crazy that that was more than half my life ago.. Crazy stuff. Have a great Wednesday guys. Sorry it's not longer but I had to share it before it was gone. :)
-SuperMom
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)