Did you ever wonder...

I really wish I could do things better than I do... Everything I seem to take on (AND THAT'S A LOT) has some kind of restriction. I swear, at times I have the attention span and patience of a gnat.. It's not good. Like this.. Had I sat down EVERY DAY and dedicated even 15 minutes to writing this blog, I would have HUNDREDS of posts by now and drawings to accompany them. I would have enough to transfer to a book.. Instead, I let my weak and restless times either take over or I get another great idea that I HAVE to do before coming back to this one.. It's exhausting BEING me some times.. I can't imagine what it must be like for the ones around me. Like my husband.. It's about to be my birthday in a few days.. This year, without me saying anything, he got me a gift. It was something I had talked about years ago and have wanted for some time. In fact, when it got in, he was so excited, he wanted me to open it early. Two weeks early. It was a Mother's ring with our daughters birthstones on it... Really? Not a word or hint from this girls mouth and BAM! See, because I used to be this crazy and selfish shopaholic who's turned her shit and outlook around, I don't really DO that much for ME these days. Not only do I not really shop anymore, I've also come a LONG way as far being patient.. Seriously, I am THE most impatient person probably in the world so for ME to say that.. It's BIG. I would've been fine with waiting to open his gift but he wasn't having it. I think he realizes the big changes and wants to spoil me a little bit for my birthday... I'm going to get another tattoo in two days... It's a good one. What's the saying? Good things come.. something, something, blah, blah, blah... Yeah. Never believed it and yet, here I am.. I really wish I could have the "What women want" power to hear his thoughts about me.. Screw it, I would like that gift so I could hear EVERYONE'S thoughts about me... Terrifying... Or as my best friend conjured up... Karafying! (That WILL be on a shirt one day, I promise. I may be the only one in the world wearing said shirt but still....) I'm fairly certain I have a good idea already of what runs through peoples mind but it would still be fun. Imagine the depths of the could be conversations... To say their thought seconds before they do... Good or bad.. The looks I would get... It would be interesting.. And because I'm not all kittens, sugar and sunshine... I KNOW there would be some negative vibes at times. Which is crazy when you think about it because I know some people who find (at least they've said..) to find the lack of those qualities mixed with my actual ones to be quite refreshing and rare. We get one life. I spent a good chunk of that living for other people...In the end, not worth it. If I can live making someone else happy while I'm not entirely happy... Well that's just not living. So I adjusted. I live for me. Of course there are extensions of me that are covered in there, my kids.. my husband.. But anything that could be a regret or anything in my life these days, is because of ME and MY choices. Like that tattoo I talked about... It's definitely not my first.. or my second... OR my sixth... But they're mine just like the new one will be... My dad still gives me crap about them. "Defacing" he says.. Yeah, yeah.... "A lot of people regret getting them later when they're old..." Do you know what I'll think of when I look at them when I'm older? That I went through life with my own thoughts and actions. I will see the decisions that I myself made once upon a time. There isn't one of them that doesn't mean something to me. I guess I can see where tattooing the KFC colonels face on your ass may turn into a regret later down the road... But that's not the case for me. Anyway. He doesn't hate them enough to let it affect our relationship thankfully. He knows, understands and accepts that I'm a stubborn, bull headed psycho probably like the rest of the people in my life.. A jagged little puzzle piece that doesn't really fit and at the same time, fits in perfectly most of the time... It's a crazy thing. My kids are now asking me (repeatedly) to play Monopoly, so I guess this is the wrap up point for now. What do you think people think when they're around YOU? It really makes you wonder if you just stop and really think for a minute. On that note, you should never really CARE, but you know... Still would be interesting. ;) Happy Tuesday!

-SuperMom