I just don't understand...

Good evening... I'm currently sitting on my living room floor of all places pondering what to watch before I go to bed. I just finished demolishing a fort that has taken up my entire dining room for the whole weekend, started a load of dishes and laundry and now... I'm just kinda.. here. Like I said before, I have so many stories to tell but tonight isn't going to be the opening of all that. As I sit here with my ass getting gradually numb, I'm stuck wondering about things that I really shouldn't care about. Maybe I should.. I'm not heartless after all, despite what you may have heard... I don't even want to get into specifics really because it gets to be BEYOND EXHAUSTING. My main thing here is that I don't understand how some friendships can be so complete and wonderful on one side and readily disposable on the other. It's a little ridiculous. I don't want to stereotype but I'm going to break down what the perfect friend would be to me. I'm a girl. Being a girl, I'm predisposed to ALL THINGS GIRL including it's ridiculous rules, politics, blah, blah, BLAH. It's crazy. Ok, when I was little I had all kinds of friends, especially girls. I was friendly and sassy, outgoing and very adaptable. I changed schools a couple times and thankfully never felt the horrific tension of finding new friends. It just happened. As I got older, mid teens-ish, I started hanging out with both guys and girls. Of course I had to start being rude or obnoxious to the That's crazy huh? Once you figure out who the people are, it's not that hard to go with the flow and have good times but FINDING those specific people... yikes.. that's the rough part. When I started working I met my first gay guy friend.. Brandon. It was then I had found a true best of both worlds friend. Obviously I didn't have to worry about him wanting to date me because I lacked what he liked. CHECK. We could talk about anything from vacations, clothes, cars, clubs, jewelry.... ANYTHING. CHECK! He didn't hang around my normal friends so I could say whatever I wanted and he'd join right in like he knew what I was talking about. I miss him so much. When I moved away we spoke less than usual and when he ended up relocating... we haven't spoken in a very long time... :( Sadly, I tried comparing my remaining friendships to that. They didn't really come close. There were too many holes in the others... And when you piss one off, they flock to the others and then there's a whole gang of bitches bad mouthing you. Being a girl is exhausting... After some more years of fading long distance friend-sinks, I realized that I didn't need a group... I just needed one and if I was really lucky, two. If I could've read my stories before, I would've been able to see that I am very much NOT lucky...
           I met two girls (among others) while working at a horrible place (not a strip club, worse... RETAIL!) I had eventually become close with both of them. One was a few years younger than me but still shared many similarities while the other was closer to my age and had a lot in common as well. They are what made going to work fun. Then we started hanging out outside of work and years went by. I loved them both. I would've done anything for them. I did do things too as they did for me. We could go a while without speaking or hanging out and when we were able to get together, it would be like there was no gap. One of them has a fiancé I haven't really been that fond of. (If you read the story "Small minded judgments...." you know who I'm talking about......) He's just very... old fashioned? I could be here for a while describing him in my image but I'm not going to! Short side of it... I don't care for him just as he doesn't for me. That's fine! I'm friends with HER not him. Totally fine with that. Except...... She's been at school and work, she had a baby last year and has a wedding coming up and new friends... I get that you can have convenient people in your life. Those are people you see everyday at work or something and if they're tolerable, why wouldn't you be friends? If not anything else, it helps the time go by if you have someone to relate with or talk to. THAT'S HOW WE MET. I just never thought that I was so disposable..... It is May 8th and I have seen her twice this year... Once was the beginning of February when I took her daughters baby pictures... the second was in March when she took me out to my birthday dinner... I was told that I was wanted to be in her wedding instead of shooting it... after asking "are you SURE.." several times, I was comforted when she said yes... And even though her man isn't someone I would've picked out of a catalog for her, it is HER man. Nobody said I couldn't make fun of him here and there.. Especially since he has had PLENTY to say about my... attitude... tattoos... piercings... "way of life"? Yeah.. So if he can say all that, surely I can throw out a few zingers here and there with no fear of repercussions right? WRONG! At the birthday dinner, as usual, I had a few things to say about his choices. JOKES people. And to wrap it up, I am now no longer in the wedding. Things have been weird between us since her baby was born. She had insinuated that I would be able to take pictures when the baby was born in the room (only because I let her in my hospital room when my latest daughter was born) all the way up until WEEKS before she went in. I found out on FB that the baby had been born... no word before or anything..... Not even a "NO". God that pisses me off. Instead of treating me like an adult and giving me an answer straight out, she drags it on and on and then just... Stops. Things have been tense but I had apologized and did the whole girl friend thing to make it all better. Apparently not. Remember when I said girls hold onto shit... Yup. I learned a few years ago that if it's done, let it be done otherwise it will break you down and rip you apart. So anyway, she was still holding resentment towards me and my little jokes were the icing on the cake. She asked me if I would be ok with being just a guest at the wedding instead of being in it... Hmmm... No.. probably not... Then I would get to sit there, watch the photographer do what I could be doing or watch the bridesmaids and remember that I was asked to be up there too... Yeah no F***ing thanks "friend". Of course, the new work and school friends are all in it. I just don't get it... When I find a friend that's worth being a good friend of mine, I don't treat that like a joke. I put my heart into it. It's really messed up how one sided things can be even if at times they seem to be the same... I don't see us rekindling things any time soon.... It's confusing and exhausting like I said.. I can't always be the one to try to fix things if I'm the only one who wants them fixed. Period. But... I did say I had two, at one time anyway. I still have one. She is amazing. In all honesty, she's probably a better friend than even Brandon! We're there for each other.. That's a good feeling. She's even listened to me talk about all of this drama and she (thankfully) will STILL answer my calls! THAT'S a friend. My best friend. :) Very thankful for her and very hurt by the other. If you have that one true friend, you are lucky... Don't forget it! Because you never know when things could change.. forever... On a positive ending note- tomorrow is Monday!!!!! Oh wait... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! ;) -Super Mom