I mean.. REALLY?!?

Ok so WAY BACK WHEN around the time I started this whole thing, I said something about crazy mom annoyances... Well for the past few days as I tend to my family, house and life, for some reason those THINGS seem to be popping up all over the place! Will my husband read this... perhaps.. Kids? HA! Even still... This one goes out to them so that we're ALL on the same page... I swear, when SO MANY of these things hit me so much, it's like we're not even on the same shelf, let alone IN the same book. This is going to clear some lingering questions you might have and myths you may have believed in for so long... All of these have happened to me rather recently... So again... To my darling family.... THIS IS FOR YOU! FACTS, brought to you by MOM...


Myth and Truths. Number...

One:

Myth: There is a fairy who collects the scattered dirty laundry and somehow replaces it with nice smelling clean clothes.

Truth: NO FAIRY... JUST MOM! And how the laundry remains scattered throughout the house while EVERYONE has a laundry basket in their room is something I'll never know!

Two:

Myth: The fridge magically restocks itself. Whatever you feel like eating or drinking will appear if you only say the words out loud or think it!

Truth: I go grocery shopping every week, some times more than once.. EVERY time I go to the store I ask the same asinine question... "Do you need or want anything while I'm there?" This is the answer I get 98% of the time.. "No" YET, when I make it home with the groceries after touring the store, waiting in line, paying, lugging them from the store to the car then from the car to the house and restock the fridge, there is ALWAYS someone who opens it up and says something like... "Didn't you get any __________?" Umm.. Did you tell me that? NO! Magic fridge... I WISH!

Three:

Myth: Leaving lights on at night doesn't cost money. Every light is free to use so why not use them ALL!

Truth: I know that my house gets dark... I also know that I have small children who are not fans of the dark... However... They (especially my middle child who is ironically the pitch black sleep walker...) will not go from the living through the dining room into the hallway to get to the bathroom without turning every one of those lights on... When they are finished, they KEEP THEM ON! I have gone over it again and again that every single thing we plug in costs money INCLUDING the lights... Apparently they don't believe me.. I might have to consider turning them off at the breaker box and giving them a flash light! We'll see how they like that for a day...

Four:

Myth: You can use the special shampoo mom uses to wash the dog. And there's no such thing as too much!

Truth: WRONG! We get dog shampoo from the pet store and MOM shampoo from the beauty store.. Big difference.. Mostly in PRICE! And it's bad enough that I use it.. even worse for it to be wasted on the dog!!!

Five:

Myth: Saying "I'm hungry" means that I should be allowed to eat any or all of the following: Chocolate, ice cream, chips, suckers, or popsicles. It's all food if I can eat it!

Truth: When you're TRULY hungry, your body is wanting some ACTUAL sustenance.. Sadly, such things are not found in ice cream, candy and cookies (unless you stuff your face). Instead... Try something GOOD like string cheese, an apple, yogurt or some carrots!


Six:

Myth: Mom likes to be the one to change the toilet paper and paper towel roll. It's like a game!

Truth: A game huh... Let's call a big Bull S**t on THAT noise! And we'll leave it at that!

Seven:

Myth: It's ok to leave your TV on in your room if you're going to back in there sometime that day. It's easier than turning it off then on then off then on...

Truth: I get so tired of seeing my children in the living room and HEARING "My Little Pony" music coming from their TV in their bedroom.. Another repeated question... "Did you guys turn off your TV?" And with that, one of them usually gets up, scurries in there and turns it off... It is NOT ok to leave it on.. I'm waiting for them to tell me something crazy like "The ghosts wanted to watch it.." Until then.. NOT IMPRESSED!

Eight:

Myth: When mom says "Clean your room" it doesn't mean ACTUALLY clean it. Instead, it means just get everything out of sight. Good stashing places include under the bed, dresser drawers, the back of the closet, on top of the dressers or book shelves and under the Lego table!

Truth: No, no, no... When mom says "clean your room", it means put your crap where it GOES! I am one of those "everything has a place" kind of people... Your nightgown stuffed between books on your shelf... I don't think so.. Sort it, throw it, CLEAN IT! Sadly, some times I break down and really clean it... Damn you OCD....

Nine:

Myth: There must be a maid that comes when we're not home... Who else would vacuum, dust and MOP? Yeah, we definitely have a maid..

Truth: The truth is that mom is stuck in a constant cycle of pickup, wipe down, and disinfect... It's a routine that consists of many small things.. Examples include and are not limited to: Mopping, sweeping, vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing counter tops, table tops, toilets, sinks, and shelves, washing, drying and sorting laundry, rinsing and washing dishes, taking out trash, and so on.... Ask me if I WISH I had a maid.. Well in truth, I wish I had a robot who did it all!

There are MORE believe me... But now we'll move on to a few FACTS... Maybe you are unaware and so.. READ!


Fact Number...

One: The cylinder with handles that sits in the corner of your bedroom or bathroom is known as a LAUNDRY BASKET. It will not hurt you.. In fact, it will HELP you decipher your dirty clothes from your clean clothes.. AND it will make doing laundry THAT much easier without anyone having to do the "smell test" (yeah...gross..) to see what needs to be washed! Laundry basket... good thing! FACT!

Two: If you make coffee with a traditional pot and filter... Use these three simple steps... Make it, enjoy it, CLEAN IT! Fact is... if you only have coffee with this particular pot once a week or so and you LEAVE the used filter in the machine, the next time you go to use it you will be greeted with the previous weeks grounds and a bonus.. MOLD! FACT!

Three: If you don't plug in your game or tablet, IT WON'T WORK. Like an annoying phone or any other game thing around these days, it needs HOURS to charge to be fully annoying. The simple thing to do... When you are done playing with it, plug it in! But instead.. Play with it, set it down somewhere, a while rolls by then I hear "Mom, my thing won't turn on..." Hmmm....

Four: When mom says something like "You can't watch this, it's too scary and will probably give you nightmares." IT'S TRUE! The fact is... Mom KNOWS how you are and what scares you! (And doesn't want to hear "Can I sleep with you..." at 2am) One day, when you're a little older and can handle fake gore and everything else without it disrupting your dreams for a month, you will be able to chill with the horror crowd.. Until then... Just pretend mom knows what she's talking about.

Five: Among other things, tiny Lego and Barbie pieces can (and will) be sucked up by the vacuum cleaner. It takes very little effort to scoop up all of the treasured little pieces kids like to play with.. However, it takes even LESS to let the vac do the scooping. Think about that when mom says "pick up your toys!" If you don't, the vacuum will...


I could and WOULD go on with this list of fun facts for DAYS if I wasn't hearing "Mom!!! I'm hungry... can I eat some candy??" I guess I have to go assemble dinner.... :/ Thanks for catching all of my venting.... -Super Mom