Ahh... Solicitors..

          Hello and HAPPY FRIDAY!!! It's been a little bit of a week.. Between aggravating bills, crazy cravings and crappy weather... I have just really wanted to CHECK OUT and be done already! And to top it off.. I have had three different days of the same annoying kind of pest bombard me when I least expect it.. The first occurrence happened Monday around 2pm.. I was vacuuming in my living room all dolled up of course (comfy shorts, tank top, messy pony tail and ahh.. no bra!) when I hear a LOUD "knock knock knock knock knock!!" Yes.. five loud, scary, almost made me pee myself bangs on my front door that I'm three feet away from! I turn the vacuum off.. wait a second.. and again.. Another five fist slamming knocks! I go to my room, grab a zip up sweatshirt, throw it on, peek out the window (OF COURSE they are still there ready for round three of knocking..) and then finally open the door. The obvious signs like my clothing, the vacuum beside me or even the look on my face when I stare at this stranger wasn't hint enough that I did NOT want to be disturbed to hear a pitch, sob story or BUY something. No, instead the guy took a small step forward like we went WAY back or something and started with his oh so cheery "Well hello Ma'am! How are you this fine day?" Three things ran through my head at the moment.. One.. Why oh why did I open the door? Two.. Would he walk away if I just continued my blank stare and didn't speak? And three.. I HATE BEING CALLED MA'AM! Before I could say anything, he was pulling out a paper for AT&T U-verse and asking me who my current provider was... To be fair, this particular guy had never been here before.. However.. In the year that I've lived here.. There have been SIX different AT&T reps come to my door with the same papers, asking the same questions and getting the same the same answer. I DON'T WANT IT! DONE! END! PERIOD! (I even spent 25 minutes on the phone with a corporate manager to get the message across.... I DON'T WANT IT!!!!) Apparently, I speak another language because they keep on coming... Anyway, before I let this guy spill his guts on why I should switch and everything, I smile politely and say "I have already had a few people from your business stop out. I've compared the two services and I'm happy with what I have right now. Thanks. Have a good day." Now, if that was ME, I would take that as a polite "No sir, don't bother gearing up to give me your speech. I don't want it, I've heard it all before, please get the hell off my porch. Good day!" But no.. not to this guy.. He took a defensive stance and hit me with a "What's your internet speed? How much do you pay?" WOW! I looked at him for about ten seconds.. But again just as I started to open my mouth.. "I really think you should take a glance at our great packages, I have this one and it's amazing." That did it. I was done. I gave a little hint of a chuckle before I let out with this.. "Ok, honestly, as I said before, I have compared EVERYTHING between yours and mine and in my opinion.. Yours SUCKS! I have told you I'm not interested just like I have told the first five people who have come here before you and a manager on the phone. Here's what you CAN do for me.. Remember this house, this address and this look on my face.. Spread the word and PLEASE let it be known that I DO NOT WANT ANY PART OF YOUR SERVICES. I have a ton of stuff to do and you're kind of making me want to never open the door again so please.. thanks, but no thanks. Have a great day, good bye." And with that, I backed up and closed the door locking the lock and leaving the man on my porch speechless. Now I know that some of you can read that and be like "wow, how rude!" No, no, no.. I have asked to be taken off mailing lists, calling lists and solicitors lists... Obviously I wasn't taken seriously and THAT is rude. I turned the vacuum on and went around to the window to peek at the person leaving.. Only.. HE WASN'T LEAVING! He was on the phone! Just hanging out.. on my porch.. on the phone.. What? Who does that?? :-/ After a minute I turned on my stereo (LOUD) and a few minutes later.. FINALLY.. he started to leave, still on the phone, still glancing over his shoulder back at the house.. Wow... I went on with my day and didn't see him again. That was a doozy for a freaking Monday! Then Tuesday comes.. Like an idiot, I have my front door wide open with the storm door closed just letting in some of the barely there sunshine while I edit some photos and watch a movie with the girls. Relaxing, calm morning.. And then... "knock, knock!" I lean up and look out the storm door... A girl.. maybe 25.. holding a stack of books and papers... Oh my goodness... Here we go again... The mornings relaxing attire consists of a tee, leggings and sports bra (THANK GOD!). I set my computer down, let out my sigh of regret for leaving the door open and go to the door.. I open it and let out a weak "hello.." She started to talk (barely English by the way..) about a learning program for exchange students in college....? Yeah.. This wasn't the first one of these either... I proceeded to tell her that I have already talked to someone about the exact same thing.. That doesn't get through.. Instead of packing up her stuff and moving on to her next stop, she looks at me with a blank smile and repeats what I had said.. "Someone has been HERE talking about THIS? Was that today?" I look at her then reply.."No, not today but it wasn't that long ago at all. I'm not interested I'm sorry, have a good one ok?" I mean.. COME ON! For not wanting ANY part of what they have to offer, I was SO POLITE but they just don't seem to get it!! After a few minutes of her asking me if I was SURE I didn't want to hear it and everything else, I quietly closed the door and she left. Two in one week! Goodness.. I thought I was free and clear until Wednesday afternoon.. Only this time, it was a doorbell ring at my back door.. The only people who use my back door are friends and delivery people (THE PEOPLE I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR!). My first thought was, do I have a shipment coming from somewhere?? No... Hmm... So with three more "DING DONGS".. I went to the back door, opened it up and... The same girl from the day before! I don't know if she was expecting a whole new person to be standing in the whole new door.. But no.. She saw me and just when I thought it registered in her head that we have had the same encounter just ONE day before... NOPE! She pulled out the same papers and books and I had to stop her. She started to spit out the same opening and instead of going over the same rejection I had already used, I looked back over my shoulder and yelled "What? Wait for me, I'll be there in a second!" With that, I looked back at her and gave a quick, "sorry.. kids." I left her with a smile and said good bye as I closed the door and started to hurry to my fake situation with my kids... :) A little low? Well maybe... Good news is that Thursday there was NO RINGING OR KNOCKING!!! Not a one!!! And it was wonderful!!!!! I'm thinking of making a sign to put on my door that reads "UPS and FedEx welcome!! Anyone else... NOT INTERESTED!" I haven't done it yet.. But the thought is very, VERY tempting! I have had people ring my bell trying to sell me books, cleaning spray, vacuum cleaners, cookies, candy, doughnuts, time shares, magazine subscriptions and more.. Then there are those who want to tell me about things like cable, the bible, lawn care, child care, senior care, fundraisers, marathons, colleges, and so on... Some times I answer.. Other times I ignore them until they go away... It just gets exhausting! They are relentless! It's worse than the people who rush up to you outside of a store or IN a store! (A good avoidance tip for THOSE ones.. Pretend you're talking on your phone and it's a VERY important conversation. So important that all you can really do is wave your hand at them whispering "Sorry!" while still moving past them right out the door! Have I used this tactic before... Umm... Maybe...Have I received an ACTUAL phone call while faking a phone call... Yeah... :-/ But other than those FEW times... success! ) ;)  Please let my door go untouched this weekend... Please, please, please! Hoping you have a wonderful rest of your day and a great relaxing weekend free of solicitors!!! -Super Mom