The Many Faces of Mom

REMAINING HOSPITAL DAYS...

          If you held on long enough to make it through day one of my hospital adventure, then you may be wondering how the rest of the days played out.. First off let me tell you how a NORMAL pregnancy is supposed to go when you get done with the labor portion. In recent years, (I can't say the "old days" because it will strike a nerve on ME and my mom also reads this and it would probably ping her heart as well...) after a mother had her baby, it would be taken and cleaned up, checked out and everything like that. Then, it would be brought BACK to the mother for feeding and bonding and taken to the nursery to sleep and whatever else. Typical hospital stay is anywhere from 24-48 hours assuming everything goes as planned with no hiccups or issues after which both mom and baby are discharged, walked to the curb where a family member or whoever would be waiting to take them home. This is NOT how my last delivery played out sadly. We left off with me passing out in the middle of the night after a long day one.. So here we go.. Day two and on...


            It was already hard to enough to fall asleep in the first place. One- my mind was all scattered from not being able to be with my new baby. Two- the bed (which felt more like an upgraded cot) was just not doing it for me even with three of the hospital pillows I was given. Three- Now that I wasn't harboring a human anymore, my heating in my body was all out of whack making me have ridiculous chills. All of this on top of the pain and soreness and just when you fall between that very thin line of giving up and finally falling asleep, a knock comes from your door... It had been just over ONE hour of "sleep" had before I had a nurse wheeling in a factory sized (to me) breast pump SYSTEM next to my bed and telling me I should try to pump every two to three hours to keep up with the schedule my daughter would be on and also so my stuff can come in (since I was a month ahead of schedule..). I turned it on and almost jumped. I'm trying to think of a sound you would be able to relate to that sounds like this machine. It was intense anyway and apparently it had nine settings HIGHER with even MORE power. In that slight instant I had a brief twinge of pity for dairy cows... To humor myself and with hopes that I would fill a bottle in no time and speed things along, I grabbed one of the two attachments and turned the machine back on. OUCH! My middle daughter is six and will be seven in August... To give you a little insight on how long it has been since I have even THOUGHT about using one of these damn things. Nothing was happening. Turn the dial up a notch... Nothing.. Two more notches.. Ouch ouch ouch... Wait.. maybe... no, not really. Up another notch and by now my eyes are squinted and I'm gripping the bottle in my hand.. FINALLY. Something! I lay back and keep it going for a few minutes and then shut it off. I put the bottle up to my eye line expecting to see at least half a bottle and... No. What the... There is SERIOUSLY less than an INCH of liquid in there! All that for THAT!?! I switched to the other side and after a few minutes there I MIGHT have made it to an actual inch. That's it. So feeling like a complete failure, I put the cap on, throw my robe on (and by now it's past 3am..) and start to walk down to the nursery. I handed her the bottle and apologized for not giving anything worth anything and she assured me it was great. They called it "liquid gold" numerous times and it made me feel a little better. My first attempt at feeding her with a bottle would be at 5am... So I went back to my makeshift nest on my bed in hopes of getting at least another hour of sleep before then.
            5am came and I walked anxiously toward the nursery. Ring the bell, door opens, cross the rooms and there she is. She was still hooked up to everything and I couldn't imagine holding her without hurting her but I was so ready to try. The nurse had just finished changing her tiny little diaper and was just about to wrap her up swaddle style in the white blanket trimmed with pink and blue stripes. "Can I do that?" I heard myself say out loud. "Of course." she said and that made my morning. Tuck in one side, move wires and tuck tubing, wrap over being just as careful not to tug something off, tuck other side, done. A teeny tiny swaddled little girl with all kinds of things coming out the end of her blanket and a machine that needed to stay within two feet of her... Not ideal by any means but this was the closest I had been to her since the day before and that was rather limited. The nurse was getting a few things around before she got me my bottle to feed her and I was totally fine with the few minutes I had to just stand there, hold her and look at her. She was so little... At that time I was only hoping she would prove all of the doctors wrong when they said I could hope to have her home for Christmas but I shouldn't count on it. I thought about that right after the nurse had told me that the baby was only on low oxygen for a couple hours and had been on room air ever since. The next step was losing the nose tubes altogether. (PLEASE BE SOON!) I smiled. I had no idea how strong this tiny little girl would end up being...
          The nurse gave me the bottle and I was a little saddened that I couldn't try breast feeding since "that is best" and I had done it from the beginning with my other two daughters. But still, I took it and sat down with the baby and held it to her lips. She was very sleepy and she wasn't about to spring to life just because I held a bottle to her mouth. She would peek out of a tiny slit between her eye lids, enough to see that SOMETHING was going on and so she would suck for a minute or two. Then when all was right in the world to her, the eye closed, sucking stopped and it was back to snooze city. One ounce. That's what they gave me to give her. One ounce took over an hour to get down! It was new for both of us. It was almost 6:45am when the nurse took my fat and happy sleeping baby and put her back in her warming box. She then told me that once the box got down to a certain temperature that the baby would be able to be moved to a normal crib bed as long as she herself could maintain the right temp for 24 hours. (Please, please, please....) I nodded and told her I hoped it would be soon and then made my way back to my room to get back in the shower.
           My husband had got to my room about right around 8am after taking our other girls to school which was the next feeding attempt. (Gotta love those every three hour mandatory times!) On our way down there I tried to relay everything I had heard through the night and that morning. He looked as worn out and exhausted as I was. We made it to the nursery and he got to take a shot at feeding her for his first time. I had grabbed his phone to take a picture and the internet was pulled up on the screen. On the window in bold letters were different sites that had information on premature babies and the possible complications that could arise. No wonder he looked so wrecked! I knew right then that my husband hadn't slept long if at all because he was worried about our baby and what could go wrong. I hugged him from my chair. I then went back to telling him all the GOOD things happening so far and what was next to come as long as everything went ok. He seemed a little more at ease but still exhausted so I told him we could both take a nap when she was done. He didn't disagree. Shortly after feeding her, she was moving her little arms (as much as she could anyway) and with one lucky tug that girl had pulled out the tube that was in her nose. We had been shooing her little hand away when she would put it close to her face in fear that she would do, well, THAT. It was a little scary and then the nurse came in to see, looked at her being all content and breathing fine then said "I guess we're done with that for now, maybe for good!" We both smiled. Another good thing. After a little while longer of visiting, she was sleeping and we were wishing we could take that nap I talked about. So that's what we did. He attempted to sleep on the extremely uncomfortable sofa that was against the wall until I told him to just get on my oversized cot like bed with me. It was more comfortable that way, who knew?!? Shortly my breakfast tray came... Pass! I grabbed a few pieces of chicken remaining in the bucket from my KFC massacre the night before and went to town while my husband finished his nap. It was still delicious and definitely overruled whatever was under that plastic dome on the meal tray. The rest of that went by in a slow, blah, blur. My husband was able to bring my kids up to see me and that was wonderful. However, when they got there all excited to see their new baby sister, they were equally disappointed to find out that they wouldn't be able to hold her or even be in the same room as her since children were not allowed in the nursery. The best I could do for them was hold her up next to a window they were on the other side of. I was glad they could see her but it was still a little heart breaking when they held their hands up to the glass wanting to touch her knowing they couldn't. He took them home and said he would be back in the morning again.. Discharge day.. I wasn't looking forward to it. I really didn't want to leave her behind...
         That night I had my two friends come up to visit me. They didn't get to see the baby and I'm sure that was a little disappointing but they sat and visited with me anyway. I love them. One of them even brought me an essential that I had totally forgot to pack in my bag. A RAZOR! I had asked a nurse if I could get one and she said that she had never been asked that before. She goes "Honestly, after giving birth I don't think a lot of women CARE about that since their men won't touch them for a while anyway." Well that was all good and great for THEM, but ME... I wanted a razor. I might be sleeping alone in the hospital but that didn't mean I wanted a pokey brillo pad feeling keeping me up when my legs touched each other. PLUS, I would take hour long showers on my "down time" and there wasn't anything ELSE to look at besides a bunch of tiny black specks taking over my legs! So yes, when my friend showed up with one, I could've cried I was so happy! We talked and caught up while I continued to skim the remains of my poor KFC bucket. (Yes, I love it THAT much that I ate it for every meal until it was gone...) It was a nice relaxing time and I was happy when the nurse came down and asked if I wanted to try to breastfeed the baby for the first time. It was a little rocky at first but we got the hang of it after a few tries. I went back to my room after she was finished, my friends went home and I was ready to take a shower and murder the hairs on my legs. I did. When I got out, I had the sweetest nurse come in and ask if I needed anything. When I told her I was fine, she hovered at the door for a minute and then told me my little girl would probably be out in no time. I started tearing up just a little bit. I then asked her if she had any kids and she went on to tell me about her now four year old daughter who came seven weeks early and had to be kept in the nursery for ten weeks. She said she felt like it was her fault and that she was scared to ever have another child because it was so agonizing. She started tearing up and told me that when she see's mothers like me going through the same thing it breaks her heart and all she wants to do is hug them and tell them she KNEW what they were going through. Now I know why she had stepped out of the room earlier when I was crying.. She was just about crying herself.. It was nice to talk to her and I'm glad that she had shared that with me. The next day was going to be rough and I all could think was.. She'll be out in no time...
            I had done the feedings on the rotation.. 2am.. 5am.. By 8am my husband was walking down there with me to feed her and hold her again. We were both relieved to see that she was still done with the tube in her nose. There were still wires and monitors to work around but I hoped they would be gone soon enough. After feeding and visiting with our little princess again, it was time to head to my room and start packing up all my stuff... It was Wednesday and I hit my time limit for the hospital stay. It was time for me to go home... Alone... Nurses were in and out bringing me various papers and asking questions and they said all I was waiting on was to be seen by the doctor one last time and then I would be ready to go. As I gathered up my belongings from around the room, I couldn't help but get choked up. One thing led to another and hormones took over leading to mini Niagara Falls on my face. I had sudden flashes of her right after the delivery and how happy I was when I heard her weight and then another flash to the doors closing behind the doctors as they took her out without me. I just couldn't help it. Every single thing that I had to pack away to take home with me and my mind wouldn't stop repeating itself.. Toothbrush, yes.. Baby? No.. Slippers, yes. Baby girl.. No. Medicine, yes. My barely two day old daughter that's hooked up to machines instead of being cradled in my arms... Nope. I had to stop. I tucked myself into my bathroom while my husband was getting me water down the hall. I pulled myself together enough to finish packing and sit on the bed to continue waiting for the doctor to swing by. It was after 11am when a nurse came in and brought me a lunch tray. (I figured I'd be gone before that!) It was excellent timing because one, I was freaking starving and two.. The KFC was gone... My husband was sitting in a chair next to me when I reached for a biscuit that was on it's own little plate outside of the mysterious dome that covered the rest of the food. I was so hungry I ripped it apart and ate it like it was nothing. My husband peeked under the lid and said "Hmmm.... guess what it is." Really? I just demolished a biscuit and you want me to play a guessing game instead of tearing into whatever it was under the lid? (That's what was scrolling through my head for about three seconds..) I finally decided to humor him and said "Chicken?" He said "No." I had been CRAVING Thanksgiving food for days and so with a ton of hope in my voice I guessed "Turkey?" "Yes. And what goes with turkey...?" I said the word "stuffing" as I was taking the top off of the plate. It was beautiful... A nice slab of juicy looking turkey sitting next to a pile of green beans and a heap of stuffing! I was so excited!!! A good sign? I think so!! I mean to get THE meal I was craving (at least a version of it anyway!) as my LAST meal in the hospital??? That doesn't just HAPPEN for everyone does it? I think not... I grabbed that fork and went to town. I was scraping the last bite off after what felt like four minutes... I looked over at my husband who just started laughing. "Did you want some?" I asked with a little bit of food still in my mouth. "Thankfully not." He said smiling. "It was that good huh?" I started smiling and shaking my head. "I was just so hungry.. But yeah.. Best meal they've brought up yet." Even though I didn't really eat much of the previous meals, I HAD to look at what they had brought. Hands down, BEST one! The doctor came in shortly AFTER I was done stuffing my face thankfully and said a nurse would be in with my final paperwork and then I was officially discharged... She came in ten minutes later and helped me gather up my stuff while my husband took some more stuff down to the truck before he picked me up at the door. I rode down in the elevator with her and told her I felt so bad leaving without her. Tears started to surface again and she set my bag down and hugged me. "They are going to take excellent care of her. She is in the best hands at the moment and even though it's hard now, she's so strong, she'll probably be home in time for Christmas." It was still hard knowing that I would be walking out alone but the fact that the nurse went out of her way to comfort me was so nice. I told her I would get to come back and see her when it was feeding time. We made it outside, my husband had pulled up to the curb and she helped me load the last of my stuff into the truck. I got in myself and after I closed the door, I looked at my husband and sighed. "It's ok" he said. I tried to give him a little hint of a smile as I looked back at the hospital doors before we pulled away without our baby girl...
             The next couple days blurred together as I followed the eating schedule they had planned for my daughter. I was there Wednesday night (my discharge day) from 5pm-9:45 pm, went home for a quick dinner and was back in time for her 11pm feeding. I would stay until around midnight if not a little after and then head home to get what little sleep I could in between pumping to have something to take when I went back to the hospital. My day went like this... 7am: got the girls up and ready for school, 7:40am: driving the girls to school to make it to the hospital by 8am which was feeding time, stay there until about 9:30 (when I would try to get breakfast), be back by 11am, get my kids from school at 2:30, be back to the hospital at 5 after my husband got home from work, go home around 6:30 to eat, go back to the hospital at 8, leave at 9:30, back at 11pm...... Yeah... Exhausting. Luckily my house was only five minutes from the hospital but STILL. Having to be somewhere every three hours while trying to do other life stuff... Harder than it sounds. I am thankful to say that almost every time I went there, I was given good news. From Wednesday afternoon to Friday morning she had lost all of her tubes, wires, machines and was even sleeping in a "normal" baby bed for newborns. Friday afternoon I cried when they told me to go home and pack an overnight bag because I would be staying with her in a transition room and assuming everything went well through the night and her weight was where it needed to be, we would be going home the next day. BOTH of us! I went home and packed my bag again before heading back to the hospital...
             I went up to where the rooms were and the nurse was getting my room ready for us. She put out blankets and a few pillows, wheeled in the factory sized breast pump, and then my daughter. She told me to call if I needed anything and that nurses would be in and out through the night to get her stats and check her weight. That was the first night and longest amount of time that I got to spend with my daughter since she had been born four days before. After quite a few feedings, even more diapers and very little sleep, it was morning. The nurse had brought me a nasty breakfast tray and paper work on breastfeeding and other things and the only thing I wanted to hear was that we were going home. They had come in and asked me about my night and I told them everything was fine and I was happy I was finally able to be with her and take care of her instead of nurses and doctors. When the nurse checked her weight at 10am she smiled and said "You get to go home today!" I could've kissed her. That was it. She did it. This little girl made her debut a month early and made it out of the hospital just DAYS after she did it. My heart was overflowing with all kinds of different emotions and feelings and all I could really do is smile. They told me it could be WEEKS and my baby girl was so strong and willful that she made it DAYS. I couldn't believe it but I scrambled around the room grabbing my things and stuffing them into my bag. I called my husband and told him to come get us. BOTH of us. That was the first day that my older girls came face to face with their new baby sister without a barrier between them. It was so sweet. We tucked her into her little car seat and fastened her in the car. We were done with the hospital. DONE. I was so happy and relieved. I rested my head on the back of my seat smiling. Hope had definitely conquered fear that week of my life. That was all I could do. Many thanks to the wonderful nurses and doctors who not only took care of my daughter but also put up with me the whole time. They definitely made a hard time a little easier with their care and concern. I know that it could've been a lot longer stay for her and there could've been several things go wrong or be wrong with her health wise. I am happy to say that we are all happy and healthy. I am a mother of three with all three of my beautiful daughters home with me. My baby continues to grow and is very strong. Everything with her is perfect. Will I be sleeping through the night any time soon? Probably not... But other than THAT... Perfect. Thank you all for holding on as long as you did to hear about my crazy time. I promise the humor will continue to come after this! I am sorry it took so long to get this part out (did I mention I'm a mother of three?) but thanks again for hanging on!!!! Until next time (LESS DRAMATIC I'M ALMOST POSITIVE!!!)... Have a great night everyone! -Super Mom

DAY ONE..It's baby time... December 15, 2014

         Hello again. The past little while has been CRAZY if that's a good enough word for it... With the unexpected surprises and holidays and all.. It was hard enough to just do the day to day garbage WITHOUT getting on here. There's a lot to catch you up on.. Though I like throw in my humorous downfalls and upside down stories, this is a little more serious this time. And there's a LOT to tell... I could've easily made this a six part endeavor but instead, I'm about to compound my whole day into one.. Take regular breaks or use spot markers if you need to. It's going to be a doozy! And so we begin...






               It was the beginning of the second week of December. Sleeping comfortably was a way of the past as in there was NO WAY to get in THE position that was good enough to lull me to dreamland. Instead, I spent my majorly pregnant nights tossing, turning, adding pillows, removing pillows, going to the bathroom and everything else except sleeping soundly. On top of all of that, I had also began having contractions, especially at night. Perfect. At a doctors appoint days before, my doctor had informed me that I was already dilated to 2cm and I still had over a month to go before my due date. This wasn't surprising news and I wasn't worried about it especially since a woman can be stuck in that beginning range for weeks without progression. I was told the usual stuff at the end of that visit- no heavy lifting, no extreme workouts, take time to relax and rest... and so on. Of course I still did my stuff at home and I still had two kids with all of their stuff too. I didn't OVER DO anything, just kept up for the most part with my day to day crap. ANY WAY. To recap, I have two children and my due date was set for January 16, 2015...
          Monday December 15, 2014 8am...
I had just taken my girls to school after what seemed like a never ending nearly sleepless night. My next appointment was set for the following Tuesday on the 22nd. I decided that I didn't want to take chances on possibly being in the hospital over Christmas and so to be on the safe side, I was going to call the doctors office to reschedule for Friday. I called my dad and talked to him while waiting for the office to open. He had asked me what people had been asking me for weeks, "What do you want for Christmas?" To which I gave him the same answer I had given everyone else, "All I want for Christmas is to NOT be pregnant anymore." He would laugh and say something clever along the lines of him not being able to do that. When the time came, I ended the call with him and called the doctors office. They weren't able to switch to Friday like I had wanted but instead they moved it to Monday before Christmas. I took it. When I finished that call, it was just after 9am and I had two things going through my mind... Doing the laundry or taking a nap... "Screw the laundry" are the words I said out loud to myself as I walked back into my room where my big pillow filled bed was waiting for me. I figured since I didn't really sleep that night, there was no harm in a quick hour long power nap to try to make up for the loss. I crawled in there, pulled the covers up to my head and amazingly fell asleep in no time.. It seemed short lived as my alarm started chiming an hour later. I knew I had stuff to do and even wanted to go get a few groceries before going to get the girls from school so I pulled myself up from my comfy nest. The first thing I notice when I swing my legs over the bed: I NEED TO PAINT MY TOE NAILS!!! It's a small thing I know but I also knew that EVENTUALLY I would be in the hospital and I would rather have some kind of full color going on instead of my four nails with it's chipped paint remaining from the last time...WEEKS ago.. I realize how crazy I sound but decide to set out some polish and get it done after I hit the bathroom. While in the bathroom, I feel a sudden POP in my stomach I have never felt before. It was followed by movement and so I chalked it up to a crazy karate kick by my little one. I grabbed my nail polish, sat on a stool in my room, lifted my right leg up on another stool so I was able to reach my foot and bent over to cover the first little nail. I had barely stretched and finished the first one when I started feeling a warm rush of fluid... I sat up and didn't move as it KEPT going.. My first thought was "I JUST went to the bathroom, there is no freaking way I am pissing myself right now.." After that, I took my phone, turned the camera so it was pointed at my light gray sweat pants and sure enough.. A wet spot that kept getting BIGGER! What the hell?!? "Holy shit... My water just broke... Noooo WAY!" I grabbed a towel to attempt to clean up my "mess" but it was no use. After two towels, I lost the pants and stood in my shower as I called my mother.. "So uh.. What exactly does it feel like when your water breaks at home?" I KNEW that's what it was but I had never had it happen to me AT HOME before and so.. shock? Surprise? I don't know.. I had to ask! She was just as surprised as me but told me to get to the hospital. I called the nurses at the hospital who told me the same thing, to get in there and so I hung up with them and got ready to make the next call which was to my husband who thankfully only works up the street from the house. Two rings and a "Hello" is what I heard in my ear before I said "So uh.. You need to come take me to the hospital. Like.. Soon." He says, "What's wrong?" I said, "Nothing is wrong.. But umm.. yeah.. so my water broke. And it's still kinda going and I'm PRETTY sure contractions are going to be really setting in here soon.." He responded with a "No way!!" and after I assured him that I was neither lying nor peeing myself, he said he was on his way. In the five minutes, if that, it took him to get there I had gathered my bags and purse and things by the door so everything was ready to go. It was about 11:15 now and right after I slipped my shoes on, I made my way back to my room so I could AT LEAST outline my eyes with some eyeliner. Of course he walked in on me doing that and was like "Really?" My irrational side swung back with "Listen, I just woke up a little bit ago and this whole thing started because I wanted to paint my freaking toe nails. And since I didn't get to do THAT, yes, really." He grabbed the bags and headed to the car. I was just about to join him when I noticed our heating bill on the counter which just happened to be to due the next day.. A normal person would've told their husband to make sure he paid it but CLEARLY I'm not normal and so I grabbed my phone and wallet and called the number to pay the damn thing. A nice lady answered (and this was the moment when my serious starter contractions begin to kick in..) asking how she could help me. After telling her I wanted to pay my bill, she tried to tell me there was a fee and I could send it in or go online for no fee and I had to cut her off.. "Listen, I'm sorry but my bill is due tomorrow and I'm going into labor today, right NOW as a matter of fact so could you please just take my payment. Fee, no fee.. I just need it paid so I don't have to worry about it ok?" She gasped and gave her own little "Oh my goodness!" but after all that she took the payment and I was all set. My husband had saw me on the phone and just assumed I was talking to a parent and when he heard hold music he gave me a "what the hell?" kind of look. "What? I had to pay the heating bill." Still giving me a look... "It was due tomorrow!" I think by this point he was ready to CARRY me out of the house just so I wouldn't get distracted with anymore crazy things like that! When I got in the car he starts to pull out of the driveway, then looks at me and says "I could've taken care of it you know. You're crazy." "Yeah I know.. but if I end up STAYING there then you won't be thinking about that kind of stuff and neither will I so.. just got it out of the way. I love you." And he said it back.
               Unlike either of my other two pregnancies, the hospital was only about five minutes away and my God was I thankful for that! I was already registered and just had to make it to the second floor to be "looked at" to see if I was ready to be put in to stay or not. By the time the elevator door closed, contractions hit my lower back at full force making me lean on the hand rail hard. Only one floor to travel to! We get out and head to the nurses station where we get our bracelets and papers all in order. I get escorted to an exam room by a nurse who didn't seem happy to be there as she smacked on her gum while reciting her every day quotes about putting the robe on and getting on the table... Once we were in the room, she handed me a plastic cup and asked for a sample. "Uh, I literally JUST went before we came here right before my water broke, I doubt I'll be able to give you anything." She looked at me without changing her "I couldn't care less" face and said "Either you TRY to go in this cup or we'll have to stick you with a catheter and personally I'd rather go in a cup instead of someone sticking my bladder." I grabbed the cup as the phrase "Why you mother...." played in my mind. I went in the bathroom and was able to get a few drops for the royal pain in my ass. I put on the robe after she left the room and sat on the bed while my husband called his dad to fill him in. (I wanted to wait until we were going to STAY there for sure before making all the calls but nooooo.... ) I asked him not to tell anyone else until we knew whether or not we were staying. To kill time after his call while we waited for the doctor to get in and actually "check" me, my husband would quote lines from movies for me to guess in between contractions. A good distraction for the twenty five minutes we had to wait. Finally she came in. She asked a few questions and checked the monitor I was hooked up to while making a few notes in her charts. She then told me she was going to see if I was dilated anymore and so she leaned me back to check me out. "Let's see if your water actually broke" she said. (I apologize if this seems to be getting more graphic than you bargained for! It's never too late to hit the X at the top of the screen!) Another warm rush of fluid came from nowhere and all I could say was "I'm sorry" while thinking "I told you my water broke...". She came back at me with "Oh it's alright. It will keep going until the baby is out! And you'll be getting checked in to stay, you're up to five centimeters." I couldn't help but shoot a quick glance at my husband that PROBABLY read something like "Holy shit, this is happening! NOW! A MONTH EARLY!" And from there we were taken to the labor and delivery room...
              I'm very lucky to have the friends that I have because after only one phone call, one of them was on their way to my house to get my kids from my husband and watch them while we were at the hospital. It put my mind at ease to know they were safe and with someone they loved to be around so it made things a LOT easier. I was hooked up to monitors, the cuff was on my arm and was set inflate every twenty minutes or so to get my blood pressure and the IV was stabbed into my left hand feeding me my necessary fluids. This was it.. Already... I had met a new nurse who informed me she would be there until 7 pm checking in on me until it was time for her to go. She was very nice. Way more pleasant than the first initial nurse who wanted my sample.. I was then introduced to the doctor who would be delivering the baby. I was a little disappointed that it wasn't MY doctor who I had seen the whole time (apparently that was the ONE day she just happened to be at her other practice.. go figure) but he seemed nice enough and very relaxed which was comforting in a weird way. He had this way of speaking though that was so calm and mellow and since he kind of looked at different things WHILE he talked, some times it was hard to be sure that he was actually talking to me or not. Small thing, I got over it. I told the nurse I hoped she would be here when it was time. She was very comforting. With contractions steadily growing after the shot of accelerant I was given, they were able to get the doctor in there fairly quickly to give me my epidural. I was slightly hesitant at first because I had also had one for my second doctor and it took him FIVE tries to get the needle in! I don't know if you have SEEN that needle for yourself but it is NOT SMALL by any means... I had told this to both my current doctor and nurse and they assured me he would get it right the first time... Thankfully, they were correct... First the piercing of the needle followed by pressure and finished off with a cool sensation that moments later would take away feeling from my whole lower half... Ahhh... Relief. A bit scary when you think about the one in a thousand chance something could go wrong while getting it... But to me.. Relief.. After that I had a team of nurses who were from the pediatric department that I was introduced to before they gave me their long speech of why they would be there. Basically, because she was coming a month early, there were possibilities that could happen with a few different things. It was hard to sit and listen to the list of things that could very well go wrong after delivery but this is what they said... Her lungs could not be fully developed enough to where they can open on their own, she may not be strong enough to breathe or eat on her own, they went on about her strength, temperature, and her weight. If everything was good and she weighed over 4.5 pounds, she would be able to stay in the room with me like normal. If everything was NOT good.. She would go to the nursery.. It was hard to keep a straight, put together face on as I looked from the nurses to the monitor and then to my belly all the while thinking, please God let everything be good... They left shortly after and as if by magic, one of my best friends called to say she was on her way to visit me. A distraction... Thank you!
              My friend and her boyfriend had popped into my room a few minutes after my mob of medical groupies left. They sat on the couch while my husband sat on the chair next to me. The epidural was doing its job as we all peeked at the screen monitoring my contractions. Apparently they were getting bigger and stronger because the spike made it to the top of the screen and at the moment, I was beyond thankful that I could barely feel anything. They started asking me the normal questions: How are you feeling? What happened at home? I couldn't help but say "I could REALLY go for some KFC... If I have her early enough, who's getting it for me?" They laughed and said they would (of course I figured I'd be out of luck since they closed at 10pm but it still sounded SO GOOD!) we chit chatted and that kind of thing for a few minutes and then my nice nurse came in to check me again. By this time it was 5:45pm and my friends had stepped out of the room to give me what little privacy I could have. The nurse didn't tell me the number this time, only that the doctor would be in the room at 6:00 (fifteen minutes) to check for himself. My friends came back in and so did the doctor five minutes later, he checked me and then said "Ok, we're ready to start here." Wait.. What??? My friend was on her way out and I knew she wanted to stay in the room while it happened. Again, never had that happen before but I looked at my husband and told him she could come in for it since I knew she would be waiting outside in the waiting room the whole time anyway. The nurse said she would go get her and then asked if I wanted her boyfriend to come in too... "Uh.. No." Was all I could say. Let's not make this more awkward than it already will be... That's what was playing in my mind. Anyway, she came back in and was so freaking excited that she got to stand in (up by my head) that she looked like she could hug me. That is, if I WASN'T half naked getting ready to get a human out of me... So she was up on one side and my husband was on the other until they made him move to her side. Modesty hit me in a weird way as I tried to pull the sheet to cover as much of ME as I could while they were getting ready with all of their equipment and everything. Yes, even as the nurses were lifting my dead weight legs up into stirrups I still tried to do it which just made everyone laugh.. I know, I'm crazy and weird but I had felt like I had already flashed half the hospital and was just trying slyly to keep a little bit of discreteness going... That didn't last long at all! With my friend and husband to the right of me, two nurses to the left of me, the doctor in the end zone and a crew of pediatric nurses and doctors standing by, it was time to push. My nurse said something funny like "I guess you really did want me to be here for it huh?" She was so nice.. I'm glad it was before she left. I did start pushing even though it felt like NOTHING was happening. A few more of those and it was 5:59pm.. The moment my daughter was born... With my husband not being a cord cutting fan, the doctor let my friend have the honor which she accepted with no hesitation. Once the separation was complete, they passed her off to the stand by team... That was the hardest few minutes I had had in a long time... I sat in my bed staring at the tiny little girl across the room as they scrambled to do everything they needed to do.. And here we are... My first moments of complete helplessness...
             My heart fluttered when she was on the scale and they called out her weight at 6lbs 8oz. I just knew that she would be able to stay with me and everything would be great. As they were wrapping her up and I was getting anxious and excited to hold her, my nurse came over and told me I would be able to hold her for a few minutes but then she would have to go to the nursery to get checked out... I was hearing what she was saying but I still hadn't taken my eyes off of my daughter the whole time they were shuffling her around. FINALLY, the nurse walked her over to me. She was very small to me but still absolutely perfect. Her cute little nose and her sweet pursed little lips... I could've held her forever. But no... After a few minutes, my husband had his turn and she came back to me long enough for me to kiss her. Then she was gone. Whisked away with the mob of people in their matching scrubs leaving me behind not knowing when I'd be able to hold her again. Tears rolled down my face and I couldn't even help it. I missed her so much already.
          About twenty minutes had gone by and the nurse had turned off the epidural, gotten most of my room put back together and was getting ready to wheel me to the new mother's side of the wing since the labor stuff was done and over with. My husband was going to go home and let the girls know they wouldn't be able to visit me or the baby just yet and he was ready to eat dinner and then said he would bring KFC back for me... Mmmm..... I looked at my friend who was still there with me and she asked if she could get me anything and I told her I was just waiting on the chicken to get there. It was an hour after birth time and my nurse had moved me to the new room by the time my husband got back. My friend started serving me from the various red and white bowls (she's so sweet..) and right after I took my first bite there was a knock on my door. A doctor from the nursery had come in. She told me that they were getting ready to put my baby into an incubator and that she had to be put on slow oxygen to help stabilize her premature lungs. She went on to tell me the other things they were watching such as her temperature and weight and so on. The tears started falling again. The doctor put her hand on my shoulder and told me she understood that it wasn't an ideal birth time but that they would do everything to make sure was going to be ok. Eventually she left and even my friend stepped out of the room when my husband stood over me and hugged me very tight. "It's my fault. If I could've just held out even another week. It's all my fault." I sobbed into his shoulder. He reassured that it was not my fault and that even though she was early, she would be fine. I knew that he was just as worried as I was but at the same time it made me feel a little better. They told us we could go see her before she was put into her box and so very carefully (my entire left leg hadn't yet regained feeling from the epidural and so it was like lugging around a dead body that was ATTACHED to my actual living body... yeah.. YIKES!) the nurse and my husband put me in a wheelchair and off to the nursery we went.
           We had to ring a special door bell for the nurses to come open the always locked door (very thankful for that..) so we could go into the nursery. As we made our way back to the section where our baby was, we had to walk past other little babies with their own things going on. It was a very heart wrenching sight. The tubes, machines, needles and everything else surrounding these tiny little bodies... And of course, my own was no different. I was parked right at the edge of her little platform she was laid out on under a heating lamp. On her left arm was a piece of underarm cast to stop her from moving it so she wouldn't mess with the IV in her arm. An oxygen tube was in both nostrils and a thinner tube was sticking out of the corner of her mouth first to remove excess fluid from her stomach and eventually to feed her that way. A cuff was on her right arm hooked up to a monitor for blood pressure. Six electrode pieces were scattered on her chest, stomach, arms and legs to monitor temperature and heart rates... I felt so bad that this tiny little girl had to be THERE instead of curled up next to me. I put my finger in the grasp of her tiny little hand and I wished I could take her back to my room with me. After a few minutes, the nurses showed us where she would be and told us the steps they would look for as far as improvements to get her unhooked and out of the box. It pinged my heart when they said it could be anywhere from one week to five weeks, it all just depended on how she did. When they noticed I was about to cry again, they said "Now remember, she was SUPPOSED to be in your stomach for another 4-5 weeks.. So it all just depends." That didn't help. At all. It was time to go back to my pathetically depressing room without her. My husband wheeled me back and I ate my dinner. Because I had no time to get arrangements ready, my friend watching the girls wasn't able to stay the night with them because of work the next day and so by 10pm my husband was kissing me good night and was headed home so he could be with our other girls and take them to school the next day. My friend was still there and even asked if I wanted her to stay the night with me so I wouldn't be alone. I knew she had a crazy day the next day too and so I told her I'd be alright and then she went home too. I sat in my bed with a half of a bucket of chicken and sides on my bed table and Family Guy playing on my laptop. I really wanted a hot shower but was told I had to wait until I went to the bathroom TWICE on my own before I could. Buzz killers... I had gone once and was chugging ice water like crazy to get to the second one. It was 11:30pm and I was finally able to get in there. It's too bad that the HOT shower was more like a warm camping shower but still... Felt pretty good. Good enough to sit in there for an hour. What's wrong with that? It's not like I had a baby in my room to take care of... That's what I was thinking almost the whole time I was sitting in there. That is, until I looked down and saw my toes... My four barely painted toenails surrounded by my other six that were totally bare... "I didn't even finish ONE!" I said as I quietly laughed. "Good Lord, I'm ridiculous..." I breathed as I started chipping away the remains of paint from the few that were spackled with color. After my shower, I got dressed and saw the time was almost 1am. I threw on my robe and walked down the hall and rang the door bell. A nurse opened it and smiled. She didn't even ask why I was there so late, just smiled and let me in. I made my way past all the other babies until I got to her box in the corner. I pulled up a chair and opened one of the windows to let that little hand grasp my finger again and I watched my precious baby sleep. I sat there for an hour before I started to nod off and made my way back to my room. It had been a long, exciting, unexpected, crazy, draining and exhausting day unlike anything we had imagined. Before I climbed into my (not at all comfortable) bed, I thought to myself... All I wanted for Christmas was to not be pregnant anymore... This little girl was the only one to give me exactly what I had told everyone I wanted for Christmas... My next thought... I hope to God that I can take her home before Christmas... Before my brain started over exciting itself and before I had the chance to start crying again, I laid my head down and eventually fell asleep...
                That was the end of the day my baby girl had made her appearance a MONTH EARLY. The days that followed were just as eventful BUT I will do you the favor of stopping HERE since we're already crossing over into "novel area" with the crazy length I've put in this so far! Thank you for hanging around long enough to get to this point. This was one of the hardest days of my life and if it wasn't for the reliable and helpful people in my life, I don't know what I would've done! To those who were part of that crazy day... THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU! To those of you wanted to be... I LOVE YOU TOO! And to those of you who just happened to pop in for a quick (or not so quick) read, THANK YOU! We will pick back up continuing with day two and more very soon! I'm sorry that this took so long to get out! Until next time.... -Super Mom