MY KIND OF ABC'S

This feeling sucks.

I think the worst feeling I have is when I feel like I've failed at something... Work.. friendships... marriage... parenthood... I know I'm not alone by any means but when those off days hit and I feel overloaded with guilt and hurt, it's hard to NOT seem like I'm all by myself. To avoid that feeling, some days I'm overly anxious or cautious which is exhausting and annoying as fuck if we're being completely honest. I don't like to tiptoe into ANYTHING and yet some times, I feel like I almost have to. Here's an example... My husband and I play video games. We play when our kids are in d and want to play something either alone or together after we've spent our time together. It's totally fine. In fact, I LOVE IT! I can take the frustrations of the day out in a world where I can shoot and mame things without fear of prison or mental institutions. It's great. Well..... My husband decided that he wasn't going to do it anymore (no idea how long that will go on for) and even went as far as taking his computer down to the basement to sit unplugged and boxed up... Personally, I'm an Xbox girl and have my systems in the living room.. "So...am I supposed to take my stuff down too or...?" I say. "No, I can just sit on the couch and watch or go to bed early." He says. RIIIIIIGGGGHHHT. So here are my choices... If I want to play MY game, I can put it on and risk the "You chose IT over ME" thing that could arise, "Force" him to go to bed early or just NOT ever play again.... For the past few days since this happened, we've played a game together on my system or have watched movies together. Don't get me wrong, it's fun and I love the dedicated time but one day.. I will want to play a game alone.. No, I will NEED to! And just thinking of that idea makes me feel like I would be failing as a wife... Only in a small way. In a bigger way, I'm maintaining sanity. That was just a small example. More instances come up here and there and I'm equally torn even if it's something I can't control or do... One of my kids wants me to be a chaperone (we've read about THAT experience), it's approaching dinner time and I have no desire to cook, I hear my baby on the monitor and lay still for a minute wishing she would go back to sleep.. It goes on and on. Why are we burdened with such crazy feelings?!? We, as moms, already have SO much going on every day with taking care of the kids we had, the spouses we married, the homes we are slaves to. Can we get NO BREAKS??? I'm not the first to breathe these thoughts and I definitely will not be the last but man... it's still a tough reality some times. I know that I have some big moments that will possibly put me in this position again coming up this year... My husband getting a crappy schedule.. Buying a new house.. my daughters switching schools.. It just seems never ending. I know I will fall short one time or another (or more) and the fact that I KNOW that... yeah.. SUCKS. For as long as we have the gift of thought, we will have the curse of having to over-think. Hopefully the obstacles that wait for me are smooth and easy... Only time will tell.... I'm not a bare minimum anything, I will continue to take the bumps in the road as they come to me without intentionally seeking them out for fun, and I'm only as good as I let myself be. Have a great day guys and gals. Thanks for letting me exhale...

-SuperMom

2017

Hello 2017!

Good morning everyone! It has been about a month since my last post and for that I am deeply sorry. December was full of crazy drama due to an event that I was a part of... That will probably need it's own little blurb when it's finally OVER. Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Personally, I am beyond happy that I have officially buried 2016. It was a year of many firsts and hopefully lasts... I went to places I had never been before, seen and done things I hadn't before and even experienced horrible things I wish I hadn't. I don't think I've ever been more ready for a fresh start with a brand new calendar. Some of the changes I have encountered may give me some more time to do THIS.. Wouldn't that be something? To actually fill out a month's worth of posts IN a month... Hmm... A resolution? Perhaps... Then again, it is only 6:45 am (and I HAVE been up since 4:45) so I could just be delirious.. Hmm.. I guess we'll see what happens! What I've been shown very greatly this past year is that it's good to have some pillar friends. I don't like to have a TON of friends because honestly, that's a TON more stuff that comes with them.. More birthdays, time slots to fill, drama. Yeah.. When it comes to CLOSE friends, I have a handful. Thankfully though, my handful is pretty amazing and helped hold me up even when I wanted to fall. That whole blip is in the past but I'm still very thankful and grateful for the people who helped me through it. With that being said, this is a highlight reel for the POSITIVE crap that last brought me...

- I went to Medieval Times for the first time ever

- My family and I took a vacation that went somewhere BESIDES Michigan for a change (Myrtle         Beach)

- The girls all had great birthdays turning 11, 8 and 2.

- My oldest daughter was accepted to a great middle school academy

- We got a minivan! (Yes, it may seem sad but if you're a mom who has one, you get it!)

- My husband got a new job with an amazing company

- I got another (Ok, TWO) tattoo

- My husband bought me an Xbox One

- My brother flew down to drive up to MI with me and then lived with us for 2 months while helping   me with the Christmas event.

- The girls and I went to Michigan

- My sister had her first baby girl

- I became a helpful aunt to my nieces

- We celebrated our anniversary alone and actually DID stuff

- My best friend got married and moved into a new home

- I got a new phone that was recalled for blowing up (but I still have it....)

- The baby moved out of the crib and has slept PERFECTLY in her twin size race car bed with NO        problems!

And the list goes on...
I'm happy about all the positive stuff but I'm still glad to put it behind me. I am hopeful that this new year holds good things for me and my family. Our biggest adventures include wiping away debt and moving into a house that will be OURS! That is probably the thing I am most excited for... A new house. It just sets the stage for everything new and good to come for us. More room... better location... NO FREAKING LANDLORD! Ah yes.. So many positives.. That will have it's own post too as we ramp to that exhausting process. In short, thank you 2016 for your good things, new trips, great memories, good movies, memorable songs, and even the amusing sorted drama. You won't be as missed as other years by any means but I wouldn't have the good things if you simply didn't exist and so... rest in peace last year. Good bye forever.

Happy NEW year everyone! Have a great Sunday! (Without Walking Dead sadly...)

-SuperMom