Going to see "The Witch"? DON'T BOTHER!

This writing is about my latest trip to the theater to see a "modern day horror" film that I thought at the very least would contain many, many scenes of... WITCHES! Sadly no... If you have plans to go see the movie, The Witch, then go ahead and stop reading NOW. I saw it and I was so bummed from all of the blah that I am now going to sum it RIGHT UP. This is your last spoiler alert warning... Here it goes...

A few weeks ago I started looking up horror movies soon to hit theaters. Because I am so warped and psychotic, movies don't really "scare" me. My friends however.. can become very much afraid which makes me, the psychotic depraved one, happy. So I stumble upon The Witch... Of course trailers are going to show the highlights and there are some varied reviews about how menacing and horrific it is. "I feel like it's something we shouldn't be seeing..." and other things like that had me thinking.. "Hmm.. Maybe..." So once it finally came out, I started trying to get a group of girls together to go. I had some yes's and maybe's but when it came down to the actual night of the flick, there was only one. Yes.. the same beloved friend from my circus story who is wonderfully scared even thinking of horror movies. We met at Chili's an hour before the show and enjoyed a nice icy blueberry and pineapple margarita with some apps. I had joked about her buying my ticket for the movie after having an obnoxious laugh fest as I paid my side of the bill. She said ok even though we both knew I was kidding. Out to the cars and off we went. We make it to the theater down the road ten minutes before it starts. Since we drove separately, and she was the first one in the lot, she got a close spot to the door and I had to drive around all the way to the opposite end. When I saw her hurrying to the ticket booth, I screamed out my window "Don't buy my ticket!!!!" I hurry up and parked and while cursing her name because I figured she ignored me and bought the damn thing, I looked up and saw she was running, yes running, back to her car... I clutched my purse and sprinted for the ticket booth. I made it there and wheezed "Two for The Witch" while fumbling for my card. She was running back to me yelling "Don't do it!" but it was too late. The lady and other employee in the ticket bubble were laughing as she handed me the tickets and my card back. I spun around and laughed. Apparently, she left her wallet in the car. "That's what you get for not listening" I said as we walked inside. We hit the bathroom, skipped snacks and headed to the ticket taker. The kid who was about 16 taking tickets said something like "Second door on the right". I looked at him and said "Have you seen it? The Witch?" He answered "No, but I heard it sucked..." My mouth fell open. "Seriously? If that's true then we're coming back out here and sneaking into Dead Pool ok?" He laughed and after I confirmed that I was serious, he said "I don't know anything... don't see anything, don't know anything.." "Good!" I said. My friend and I laughed and walked into the theater. "He's probably too young to understand it" we both agreed. There were two other people in there giving us MANY options for seating. We picked our favorites and waited for the show to begin. A few minutes later a mini mob of 8 or 10 people came in and sat behind us a few rows (thank God. I hate it when there are TONS of seats open and someone comes and sits either right BESIDE you or BEHIND you. Actually, even in FRONT of you is pretty damn annoying.) The lights finally dimmed and the show was beginning. I knew going in the that the whole time frame was going to be blah. "Please don't be like The Village..." I thought to myself. Personally, I don't really like old timey New England, old English films but again... I was in it for THE WITCH! I read reviews and everything... I was in for a good movie and if not that, at least I could watch my friend be freaked out. Ok... There's a family of six standing in front of a jury type situation. Dad, Mom (who's quite pregnant), a teenage girl, a boy whose about... 10? and then a set of twins - girl and boy who are around 6ish.. Pretty much they're telling their little community to f*** off and that they are leaving to their own place because blah.. false beliefs.. Blah.. God.. blah. So they leave. They make it to a bare spot in the country next to the woods and claim it their new home. Flash forward to a farm and a few built buildings (house, little barn, etc.) and the mom breast feeding the new baby. Farm chores being done... The twins singing a weird song about Black Philip who is the black horned goat they have... The boy glancing at his older sisters chest... And so on. A few minutes later, the mom asks the daughter to take the baby so she can get some work done. The girl takes the baby to a spot not too far from the woods, lays him down and starts playing peek-a-boo. She says "There you are" all of two or three times before she looks down and sees the baby is plain GONE. She hears some kind of footsteps in the woods leading her to believe that something had come and taken the baby. The next scene is the baby laying on a table naked while  a disgusting hand touches his face and then chest before pulling away and coming back with a knife. The screen dims and opens back up to a woman, a witch, using a wooden pole to grind something up. Apparently it's the baby. She starts smearing blood on herself and walks out to see the full moon. That's it. Then it goes back to the family with the mom sobbing and the dad telling the son that since they've searched for a week (a lot of jumps like that...) and haven't found him, that he even if he had been ok, he would now be gone due to hunger or wolves... The boy gets a great idea to go in the woods himself but the older sister (who heard her parents say she would go work for a family as a trade for food or money) goes too. They come across a menacing little rabbit who simply sits and stares at them. The sister gets thrown off a horse and knocked out while the boy tries to chase the rabbit for food. (Mysteriously, the farm crops all started dying and apparently they were running out of food..) The boy ends up getting lost and coming across a young woman with big breasts and starts to walk toward entranced... They kiss... Back to the sister who is now waking up and hears the father yelling both their names. She claims to not know where he was... The mom (and the twins) start calling the girl a witch and blaming her for cursing the farm and so on... meanwhile, the twins continue talking to the black goat and saying they saw a witch take the baby.. The boy is found standing next the fence completely naked and brought inside. They lay him down, cut a slit on his temple and collect the blood in a bowl...? He eventually regurgitates a whole apple before babbling on about finding the one... blah, blah, blah... Then dies. While he's spouting off his ramble, the twins go into some kind of seizure before they both pass out. The sister says they're witches, the mom says the daughter is... And the dad did what any father would do.. He locked the three remaining children in a barn with the goats by nailing boards across the doorway... That's happened to all of us and you know it! Anyway.. That night they hear noises... The mom has a vision or rather hallucination of her two dead sons and walks over and picks up the baby. "You're hungry" she says smiling while unbuttoning her blouse.. She starts to breast feed the baby and the scene goes back to the barn where a scary old lady, a witch... is eating the belly of one of the smaller goats.. Cut scene back to mom who is now laughing enjoying feeding her baby which is ACTUALLY a crow pecking her nipple off... Yeah... The morning comes, dad gets up, goes outside, sees smaller goats slaughtered with their guts laying out beside them, no sign of the twins and sees his daughter. Right as he's about to apologize, BOOM! He gets rammed by the black goat, Black Philip, and starts coughing up blood. He gets rammed a second time which sends him into his wood pile where wood, of course, starts to fall on his body. The daughter screams.. The mom comes outside, sees it all, is more convinced than ever that it's the daughters fault and she's a witch so she starts to strangle her. The girl grabs a small gardening trowel or something like it and starts slashing the mother. The mom dies.. The girl eventually shoves her to the side before going inside and laying her head on the table and falling asleep.. for the whole day. She wakes up, it's night, she goes outside where the freaky goat is waiting.. she follows it into another building and starts to ask if the goat actually DID talk to the twins like they said. After a some time without anything, you hear a mans a voice (the goat who is the devil..?) and he says that she can have whatever she wants... Blah... She takes off all of her clothes and walks with the goat into the woods where they soon come across six other naked ladies dancing and screaming around a fire before they all start to float in the air. She makes her way to the fire and within a minute, she herself starts to float. THE END! So, to be clear, we saw a witch with the baby, one make out with a young boy and one eating a goat.. Those were the HORRIFIC scenes with witches? BOOOOOO!!!!!! The credits started rolling and I didn't want to stand up confirming it was ACTUALLY over! What a let down! And another shot, the kid taking tickets was RIGHT! I didn't even get to have the thrill and delight of watching my friend get scared because her face was just like mine through the whole damn thing. It fluctuated between, COME ON and WHAT THE.... I told her I was glad I bought her ticket and sorry for making her go. The best thing to come out of that night besides the company.. Was the MARGARITA! My circus trip was more horrific than this piece of trash! Of course that is only my opinion (and I'm PRETTY sure it's my friends as well..) Hold out for the Conjuring 2 if you're wanting effects or at least some jump scares... This movie gets a big thumbs down and I'm seriously considering adding Movies to my story categories... We'll see. Do yourself a favor and see anything else if you're wanting to go!!! Happy Thursday guys and girls! -Super Mom

Can we be DONE with Kanye already?

Ok... it seems like since right around Valentines Day, my feeds and online perusing have been FILLED with Kanye West and his sad ass drama... I'm tired of it. (I know ok, WHY AM I WRITING ABOUT IT if I want to be done.. Because I CAN.) Anyway... The whole thing about his "debt problem" makes me want to vomit. If someone is "personally rich" and they have "personal debt", then they should take some of that personal wealth, pay their personal debt and be DONE! But... Because it is the almighty Kanye (very much sarcastic...) we the people must help HIM out or rather.. "Support his ideas and talents"... Yeah...No... The whole GoFundMe started for him makes me want to slap the guy who started it. He's NOT poor!!! And if he DID have some kind of shallow pocket experience, he has his KK and her band of other K's that somehow make lots of C in which case he could have her spot the 53 MILLION, cover his "investments" and go happily choke on a big D! But no... that would be too easy wouldn't it... Yeah no... So I had this picture sent to me after mocking the shit out of this guy (especially after the part where he asks Facebook billionaire, Mark Zuckerburg, if he would give him $1 billion for Kanye West ideas... Really?) After really looking at it, I decided that we should ALL donate to the cause that is Kanye and his super ideas! For example.. My KW idea (following the rules there on the picture..) would be a glow in the dark Bus! I know what you're thinking, who in the world would ever need a glow in the dark bus? The answer... EVERYONE! My husbands is even better though, TOTALLY a billion dollar idea... Ready? Time traveling Tampons! Who would've known there was so much genius in one guy??? Yeah so... in reality, where we all don't live, clearly... I'm hoping HE disappears from the screens one of these days.. The only good thing about seeing his face... It's a reminder that there's someone out there who is WAY more full of themselves than I am! Short rant over and I promise I will never post about him again. Unless he one day marries himself... That might be worth a post... Yikes... Good night guys! Happy Walking Dead Sunday! -Super Mom

PS.. Take a look at your brilliant Kanye idea!!! They're definitely worth a laugh if not anything else! ;)

Daddy!!! Mom... yeah right.

Ok. I give up! I realize now that I made a mistake of teaching my daughter to say "dad" back before she was saying actual words... BIG MISTAKE! I am telling you that she is now 14 months old and has DAD nailed down. See his picture.. "Dad!" Hear the front door close... "Daddy!" We go ANYWHERE and I get her out of the car.. "Daddy!" But "Mommy"... NEVER COMES OUT OF HER MOUTH! N E V E R! She knows HER name and she says DADDY just fine but she won't say my name for anything... When I do the whole "Say Mommy.." bit, she will either spit, laugh or slap me in the face with a "DADDY!" I spend all day long with this girl.. I get up with her at night.. Wake up with her every morning at 5 or 6am when she's done with her bed.. I get her breakfast, lunch and dinner... Put her on the potty... Get her dressed... Play games with her and play with toys... I dance with her, sing to her, bounce her, rock her, carry her... The only time I'm NOT with this child is when she's asleep and that's if she's not sleeping ON ME! ALL of that... and still nothing. Is there a trick I'm not trying? I had equal attempts of Mom and Dad when I was teaching her to say actual words. When she picked up "Dad", I figured it was because it was easier since it's pretty close to "Duh". But that has since progressed to a squeaky, happy, joy filled "Daddy!" EVERY TIME SHE SEE'S HIM! And God forbid he leaves the room... Screaming... Crying.. It's like her little heart breaks leaving her completely devastated. Never mind that I'M sitting right there in the same room! By that point I'm chopped liver. (Which I'm guessing is a bad thing since it's always referred to in cases like this.. Not a liver fan, couldn't tell ya!) I don't get it... She'll say "Mmm..." When she's ready to eat or see's something yummy but she will not take it past that. She even tries the phrases "there it is" and "there they are" when finding a toy or cup... I try to tell myself that "dad" is easier to say for kids and that when "mom" actually comes, it will something that was EARNED. That's what I said when she was 10 months old... Now, I'm starting to think she'll never say it out of spite! I guess it's not all that bad when I really think about it.. I have used it to my advantage... For example.. I'm comfy on the couch watching a movie when I hear her waking up from her nap on the monitor... My husband is sitting next to me on the couch... I say something like.. "Let's hear who she asks for, and THAT person will go in to get her and change her diaper..." HA! (It's always HIM, go figure..) ;) Things like that definitely make me feel better about being dissed by my toddling toddler. The only one of my kids to say "Mama" first was my oldest and that was only because Dad was in Iraq at the time. If he would've been home in that time frame I would bet anything that she would've been strolling around mumbling "dad, dad, dad" while clutching her sippy cup too. It's a no win thing to be a mom some days.. A lot of days... What a crock! The guy get's EVERYTHING positive when it comes to becoming a parent. He has the delivery of the "goods"... OOoooo... Really hard... He MAYBE holds a hand in the delivery room... and then what? Sure, there may be a few nights where he takes the baby out of the exhausted mother's arms and goes for a stroll around the dark house with her at 3am but most of the time he's sleeping to be able to go to work the next day. Meanwhile the mom juggles everything new with a baby, mixes it with everything not so new with two older kids while working and keeping up with the house, bills, chore like crap... And for some screwy reason, the new kid in the house is totally clingy to MOM yet chooses, yes CHOOSES to save her precious voiced words for DAD. What a load of...... My husband laughs when she says it when I tell her to say Mommy... I've even slapped him a little bit for that.. My friend seems to think that the high pitched scream sound my daughter does is her own way of saying mom.... Yeah.. Call me old fashioned in this case because I would MUCH rather just hear "MOM". Not that I don't love the piercing high pitched squeals... But yeah... I'm sure it's coming... Maybe when she's like... three? He can have her and her cute little "daddy!'s" through the terrible twos.. Grrrr... Kids... Sweet, precious, unnerving, crazy kids.... Good night guys and girls. This MOMMY is taking her ass to bed and staying there until late in the morning... DADDY will be the one getting up with the princess tomorrow! Yay for DADDY! (AND sleep!) Good night!!!! -Super Mom

Look who jumped off the screen!

After seeing my other supermom doodles and THIS painting.. my kids think I should do ALL of my doodles with paint... They even went as far as putting my paint and brushes out on the table for me this morning with a stack of white paper... You have to love their enthusiasm! Maybe one of these days... ;)   New story coming I PROMISE! Until then.. HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!! -Super Mom

A night song..

 

When I can't fall right asleep... This is what I get sometimes... This is last night... :)

 

 

 

 

 

There was a young man and he made me his wife
Told me I was the true love of his life
We've made it through both the good times and strife
What a sweet couple are we...

First one girl then two and eventually three
Each one more pretty than pretty could be
he sighs when he says they all act just like me
what a wonderful husband is he...

My kids drive me crazy and my home's a mess
Sometimes I don't even want to get dressed
and honestly, really, I couldn't care less
be.. just please let me be...

There are some off days when I somewhat lack class
and maybe a few when I'm just full of sass
if that makes you angry then please kiss my ass
what a great woman, that's me...

This song makes me smile while lying in bed
All kinds of rhymes swimming 'round in my head
So much more calming then bad dreams and dread
What a night this will hopefully be!


 And remember... NO JUDGING!  Happy Tuesday! -Super Mom

A dream of grandpa....

This is a little different today. My family and I went out for a great dinner with friends tonight and we had a lot of laughs and fun as usual. Before that though, my day had been just a little... off. I didn't know why really until sitting by myself in my living room for a minute. Did you ever have a sad or bad dream about someone you love and it doesn't hit you until days later, if at all? That's what caught up to me today I guess. So here it goes.. My sad dream...
           My fathers father passed on fifteen years ago. It didn't seem like it was that long ago and at the same time.. It seems like forever. When I was younger, I would be over at my grandparents house all the time it seemed like. I thought it was funny that my dad and grandpa had the same first name and even though my dad did not like being called Junior (by me anyway..), my grandpa smiled about it. He was a hardworking, honest, caring man who was down to Earth and had this amazing pull to him. Playing with his tools in the garage, walking down the railroad while he told stories, even sitting on his lap and watching cartoons while we rocked. We should've had way more time with him. He should have been able to meet my husband and my daughters... Instead, he watches from above. I remember getting ready for one of my high school dances in his hospital room just so he could see me all dressed up. After that, when he was moved home, I gave him a prayer book I had received as a gift from people at church. I told him there was a prayer for every day and occasion and that he would like it more than me. I'll never forget the smile he had when I told him that... I was so not one who prayed all that much those days and the majority of prayers I heard about were my friends praying for concert tickets or the possibility of a sports car for their big sixteenth birthdays... He was one of my most whole hearted prayers. I never use to cry, about ANYTHING really until after he was gone. It took a piece of me... The thought that someone so GOOD could be gone just like that. I couldn't really fathom it.. I remember walking into the house that day. I wish I could go back and not go inside. It's a memory that is forever burned in my mind... It was too soon. I know that "everything happens for a reason" (at least that's what I hear) but it made me really realize that you just don't know what life has in store for you... Onto the dream...
         ***My husband and I were in a house for some kind of weird reunion. I couldn't tell you who half the people were that were there but apparently he knew some because he followed a group of three old veterans to one side of the house and settled down on a big red couch talking about wars and that kind of thing. Because that is very much NOT my kind of fun, I sat alone at a table that was across from the door. I was flipping through a magazine about crafty fall decorations when I saw one of my cousins walk in the door with who I assumed to be her husband. I waved and she waved back and then they headed toward the kitchen. A few minutes later, another cousin and her husband walk in. I continue flipping pages when I hear the door open again. I don't even bother to look up because I assume that whoever it was was going to be headed toward the kitchen as well. Then I heard both cousins talking to the new person.. I looked up and there he was.. My grandfather.. Who I hadn't seen in years.. I ran to him, speechless. First I stared.. I couldn't even help myself. Then I grabbed his hands. I could FEEL him. He was REALLY THERE! I put one hand on his cheek and he cupped his hand around mine as he smiled. My eyes burned. Even though they were welling up with tears, I felt that if I let myself blink, he would be gone. I could still hear my husband talking somewhere behind me. It was like I was in another dimension and he wasn't seeing me freak out. I didn't care. I brought my hand back down and held both of his again. Tears dropped and then streamed down my face leaving hot, wet trails down my cheeks. He didn't say anything but he kept that same sweet smile. His eyes seemed to be watery too but there were no tears. He looked at me like he knew exactly what I wanted to say before I even attempted to speak. Finally, I tried... "I have missed you so much. We all have missed you so very much. I dream about you all the time. I wish you could meet them. My husband and my girls. They would love you and I know you would love them too. How has it been so long..." I went back to staring and crying and crying and staring and gasping for breath. Eventually it was too much and my knees felt like they were going to buckle. He must have sensed it. He lifted both my hands to his face and kissed them before I let go and hugged him. I felt the soft pat of his hand on my back and then it rested on the back of my head. I felt like the whole house of people could be gawking at me right now and I didn't care at all. In that moment, he was there with me and there wasn't any person who could take that feeling away. When I was able to breathe somewhat normally, I lifted my head off of his shoulder and was stunned at what I saw. I was hugging my husband. It was now his hand on my head. He was looking at me desperately trying to figure out why I was so upset. I fell to the floor and he went with me taking me in his arms as I started crying again.***
        THAT was the dream I woke up to. The clock read 3:52am and my chest was heaving. It took a while to get back to sleep and I was hoping that I could put myself back in the same dream. I didn't... My alarm (my daughter) woke me up at 5:49 and after a while I was in the routine of getting my older two ready for school. It slipped out of my mind.. Until this morning. This morning I was up at 6am (thank you baby girl for THAT) and once I got her settled with breakfast, it just hit me again. It had been so long... I guess the weird feeling, the long time sorrow thing, just wanted to stick with me today. I did my normal routine and kept my daughter happy of course but when I was by myself when she was napping.. Boom. I know this is everywhere (as in no, I didn't write it. Yes, you can google it and get a million things pop up..) but this may be my next tattoo... Always together, never apart.. Maybe in distance but never in heart... And part of that is for him. If I could live in that vivid dream again, I would and who knows.. maybe some day I will... It's just been a weird one.. Clocking out for the evening.. Good night. -Super Mom

Exercise... Hmmm....

These days, being "fit" means a LOT.. Years ago, being fit simply meant not being fat.. Not the case anymore.. No sadly it goes way past that. I mean yes it still means not being fat but there's a whole lot that goes into it now. Walking on a treadmill isn't IN anymore.. Now it's all about the run on a trail or stretch of road that reaches your daily goal of at LEAST 5 miles. And how do you know you've gone the whole way you ask? Easy! You just have keep glancing at your wrist where your smart watch sits all day and is conveniently connected to your phone making it easy to track your calories burned, distance traveled and even alerts you when you get messages and calls about a lunch date. Of course you can't actually GO to a lunch date unless it's somewhere that serves gluten free, fat free, carb free, taste free, super over priced frilly pesticide free LETTUCE... Mmmm... yeah.. That's what I think too.. And aside from eating like a wild rabbit, there are so many "helpers" out there... A thousand and three (or more) things that help you do a variety of, well, THINGS... Shakes that stop your appetite, shakes that build muscle, shakes that make you almost shit yourself... Hmm... Bars that help you lose inches off your waist, snacks that have next to no calories or taste, powder mixes that.... Who really knows?!? Then there are PILLS! Pills that make you lose water weight, stomach fat, build muscle, keep muscle, grow nails, grow hair, stop growing whatever they stop growing, and the list goes on and on... You have the wonder works people who get their hands on the "latest craze" in the diet world at the time (South Beach Diet... 72 hour fat flush... Teatox? and so on...) and expect that after two weeks they will look like they belong in the Victoria's Secret fashion show and if they are NOT looking like that... It's out with that and onto the next hot ticket.. You have the dieters who count calories, avoid carbs and yet allow themselves at least 3 cheat meals in 3 days... Hmm... There are the gluten lovers and haters... The anti meat vegetarians... the "nothing with a face" vegans... You have the people who pick something because they know someone who knew someone who tried it with success and even if it DOES NOT work for them, they insist that it does and then try to get everyone else to get it too.. Then you have the dedicated trenders... The people who pick a diet, buy the book that explains the diet (and keep it out where people notice it), buy the supplements to "help" the diet, buy the DVD that maps out the diet in its entirety, and then talk about it with other people who aren't "up to speed" on what the IT diet is... Yikes... To further add to the scary dieting super breed.. you have those people who do everything the trenders do AND they stick to their CRAZY every day schedule of eating the same meals (smartly and equally portioned of course), going to the gym, running a few miles for "fun" after work, and sleeping 10 hours a night. If there's a slip in the schedule anywhere then it's double the gym time or half of the half of the HALF of the protein bar as punishment. The ONLY thing that has me wanting MORE is the SLEEP! It's crazy what some people will do... Like any other girl in the world, I have jeans in my closet that have been tucked away for a while (not defining that, sorry!) but I've come to accept that like in every sappy girly movie ever made, that's just a part of growing up... Am I happy when my current jeans slip down my butt a little? Hell yes! Does that mean I'm going to dedicate 80% of my day, time and energy to a diet... Hell to the NO. The truth is.. I don't like bathroom scales and I love cheeseburgers. I'm ok with that! Everything in moderation with some kind of exercise is a good routine for me. There are a few differences though... A person trying to tone muscles will lift weights right? I don't even need to think about doing that! A person going to a gym to lift will probably only do so for up to an hour (more if they're scary big I'm sure..). My lifting on an average day spans out to roughly FIVE hours.. only I'm not lifting concentrated weights... Nope, instead I'm lugging around a toddler and that's just around the house! If in public, strap on the 10 pound purse and grocery bags WITH the toddler (who does NOT like to sit still by the way.. BIG difference..) and there you have it. The intense upper body, who am I kidding, ALL over body weight training. What's next? Running... A few different stances on running as a mom.. I'm either chasing down a child for fun or to get what they've taken back OR I'm retrieving something from the dog that he shouldn't have.. Either way, it's never a steady jog and I'm always "feeling it" so that is my running cardio! As far as squats and sit ups and all that other crap go... Picking toys and food up off the floor, giving baths, changing diapers, looking for jewelry, trying to dress a child, scrubbing the floor, lugging up laundry from downstairs, putting dishes and groceries away, and of course.. crawling through toys and houses that were made for people two feet tall... Every.. Single.. Day. Even if I don't leave my house, by the time all the kids are in bed and I have the chance to just SIT and "relax", I am WIPED! So to all of you dedicated dieters out there.. I half salute you and am sure that it takes a lot of time, discipline and effort to get and keep that skinny Minnie beach bod especially since you don't even LOOK at a pizza with the fear of your pants splitting but honestly... I love me some pizza... So if you're reading this and you've just finished your immaculately planned workout, just know that the next time I sink my teeth into something greasy and delicious, I'll be taking a small bite for you! Now for a snack... ;) Good night everybody! -Super Mom

Good ideas and intentions spoiled by children... #1.. The Circus...

Today I am starting a new category (See Title) of stories.. Every time I do something nice or attempt it anyway.. and the thing is somehow corrupted by a child, (tantrums, attitude, etc.) I will label it with this title and a number! Thanks for reading.. HERE WE GO!

The Circus...

Going to the circus was always a treasured time for me as a kid. Even though I may have only gone a handful of times, there was still something sweet in the memory of the wonder that is THE CIRCUS. The animals and their tricks... The acrobats and their heights... The music and lights pulling your attention all over the room... The clowns... All of it. Even though I didn't get to walk out with an arm full of branded goodies like other kids did, (NOW I KNOW WHY MOM, NOW I KNOW WHY!) I still walked out with the whole routine playing over and over again in my head ready to talk all about it to people who didn't get to go. Now that I'm an adult AND a mom.. I like to be able to let my kids have similar experiences when I can. Five years ago when it was my husband and I with our two kids who were five and two at the time, I saw on TV that the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus were going to be in a city near us in a couple weeks. If you've ever been to a circus, you know that this one is a pretty big one as in NOT some rinky-dink pop tent with barnyard animals. No, no.. Ringling Brothers meant the BIG TIME BIG TOP. Lots of animals, stunts, clowns and everything else that came with it! I talked to my husband about it and learned that he had NEVER BEEN TO A CIRCUS BEFORE! "Seriously? Like.. NEVER?" Is all I kept asking. I figured that even if it wasn't a grand event, that EVERY kid had seen one version of a circus or another in their youth... Everyone except my husband I learned. (Ok, I realize that not EVERYONE has gone... calm down.) I told him we should go. Of course he, being the homebody that he is, was reluctant at first because he associated the circus to being a thing for kids. Pony rides and a few juggling clowns... "Not this one, we're going!" And with a few clicks (and a hundred bucks...) the tickets were bought and then it was just waiting for the day to actually come.
        Weeks went by and it was FINALLY the day to go! (Yes, I was a little excited... It's ok to have fun! ESPECIALLY when you PAY for it in advance...) So after some exhausting traffic (my husbands grunts and under the breath cursing included..) and some shitty parking (only six blocks away..) we were finally there. The girls, especially the older one, clutched their tickets beyond excited and anxious to see what was waiting for them on the other side of the building doors. We walked in and aside from the chaotic stampede, (of people rushing for overpriced snacks and merchandise) there was the start of their memory. Banners full of photos and colors filled the place with big bold letters that spelled RINGLING BROTHERS and BARNUM & BAILEY CIRCUS - THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH! "Woooooowww!!!" seeped out of the kids' lips as we started walking toward our section. To wrap this up, it actually went way better than expected. I thought for sure that the two year old would totally lose it and put us in a bad mood but even after she fussed for all of five minutes, she fell asleep and the older one (AND my husband) continued enjoying the show. We took pictures and talked about our favorite parts all the way home... I even got them a pennant flag with the name on it so they'd have a small token. It was a good time and I enjoyed that fact that I got to see ALL of them enjoy their very first circus...
            Since then, we had gone to smaller versions (Shrine Circus) that pull into our city every year or two and though they enjoy the excitement, it's never as good as the BIG one.. But it's still fun to go.

FAST FORWARD TO... YESTERDAY.... The circus, the BIG ONE, comes back to town so what did I do? BOUGHT TICKETS!

I had asked a friend a month ago about going to the circus after my husband, who did enjoy the first one five years ago, decided he would sit this one out. He is a designated homebody unless we have to do something or I just REALLY want him to go. That was fine by me. He had already gone and I know NOW that once you see a really good one, chances are there will be more similarities than differences so I wasn't going to force him. I figured I could find a friend to go with and have just as much fun with them and my girls. Originally though, the friend was scheduled to work so I just didn't mention it to the kids. I figured that yes, they have already seen it and more importantly, there was no way in HELL that I was going to take three kids (10, 7 and 1) to a circus by my damn self.. NOPE! So I let it go. Then we had a dinner with friends on Saturday and I discovered that her schedule had changed and the circus had one last day it would be in town.. Sunday.. Yesterday.. I asked if she wanted to go and though a little hesitant at first, (only because she hadn't been to one since she was a kid and thought like my husband.. They would be small and kid like..) she decided she would go with us. That's a TRUE FRIEND there! Not only going to the circus she had no idea about but also going with a PACK of children! She was in for a treat alright! Of course I didn't say such unspeakable things out loud to her because I didn't want to jinx myself OR for her to change her mind....
      I started gathering things around Sunday morning. The circus started at 3 in a city about 40 minutes away so I told her to meet us at my house by 1:30 and that would give us plenty of time to get there with traffic, fool around with finding parking and make it to our seats by the time it began. I had everything ready. My camera, lenses, battery, diapers, wipes, goldfish crackers, baby blanket, a sippy cup for water AND one for milk, toys, phone, purse, wallet and everything else. Stroller was already in the car, girls went to the bathroom and got shoes on while I changed a diaper and put her coat on. My friend got to the house and we were ready to roll. The first sign that I had failed... My daughter, the one year old, takes TWO naps every day. EVERY DAY. This is how it goes.. Usually, she'll wake up around 6am... stay awake until 8 or 9, sleep for an hour or a little over, get up and is good until about 1ish.. then she takes her second nap for about the same time if not a TOUCH longer.. Well... Sunday morning she decided to shake things up a bit by waking up at 4:30... No freaking way.. Mama bear BARELY does 6am, there was NO way I was staying awake at 4 freaking 30! I got her some warm milk, soft music and a fresh diaper... Back to sleep she eventually went, thankfully, and so did I.. She didn't wake up again until 7:30! So since it was already slightly skewed anyway, I decided I would alter her nap schedule SLIGHTLY to accommodate the day... That was my mistake. She woke up happy and full of life and I decided I would keep her up as LONG as possible, put her down for a nap around 11 or 12 and she would be waking up just as happy just in time for us to be on our way... HA! You know that phrase... "Wishful thinking." Exactly. I hate that phrase... In reality, she ended up turning moody and tired around 10:10 and so I threw in the towel and put her down. She only slept until 11:03...... I should've known then that I would be better off leaving her at home with daddy but no, no! I was going to be the super mom trooper and take ALL of my wonderful children to the freaking circus whether my internal voice was screaming "NooooooooO!!!!!" or not. (And trust me, she was screaming....)
         We all get in the car and decide we're going to stop to get our own "normal priced" drinks at the store so we wouldn't have to pay $7/cup when we got there. We get them. As I'm pulling out of my parking space, I see a guy in a truck and his girlfriend standing outside with her arms full and she's trying to get in the truck too. He had locked her out and was laughing. She would walk away and he would honk and wave her back so she'd walk back just to realize he had locked the door again. It was actually funny to watch. As I pulled away I leaned out the window and yelled "kick his ass!" and they both started laughing along with my friend and two older kids in the backseat. It was going to be fun... We start down the road and just as I made it past all of the stores I shop at, I realize that I had packed up everything. Everything EXCEPT a memory card in my camera! DAMN IT! I pull into a grocery store in front of us, park, run in, see every other camera related item (batteries, USB's, charging cables) EXCEPT memory cards! I get back in the car and my friend tells me we can stop at a CVS we would pass on the way. Sweet. We got there, I bought my up-charged card and went back to the cars passenger seat after my friend graciously said she would drive to the event center. I love her. We get closer, see "Event Parking", pull in, pay and then join the slowly progressing circle to the next level of the parking garage. We park, get the stroller and everything else including the kids and we're on our way! We make it to the line where we have to show our tickets. Mine, conveniently on my phone, are just a few clicks away. Or so I thought. I try the whole way to the door to get into my account to see my tickets and it doesn't let me in! We had already been scanned by the old man with the metal detector and now we were those people holding up the line. We scoot over and finally a guy tells us that if we have the card we used to by the tickets, we can just go get physical ones from the box office.. On the OTHER side of the center. Grrr.... We head back outside, around the building to stand in an even longer line. This sucks.... My friend pulled out her phone for me to try it on there, amazingly, it worked! So we headed back to the original line not pushing any buttons to mess it up. We made it back to the scanner man and he says "I already scanned you, you're good". We joked with him about being scanned again and so he laughed and scanned my friend again after she told him she enjoyed the attention. :) We made it back to the ticket taker and she scanned our digital tickets. FINALLY!!!! We were IN! The place was made up of the same kinds of things as before.. Banners, toys, lights, noise and LOADS of people stampeding around for the last few minutes before the show... We found our section and headed to our seats. The show was about to begin.....
         Our seats were in the upper area right on the edge of the balcony giving us a nice view of everything without it being right in our face. After a few minutes of struggling with the stroller to get it in the right position, we were comfortable and ready to watch. I grabbed my camera with its giant zoom lens and started clicking as the ring master and others came out of the lit archway beaming with noise and music. The girls and my friend were smiling, clapping, engulfed in the wonder while I struggled to get the baby out of the stroller she was already tired of and into my lap. My oldest daughter tells me she wants to join the circus when she grows up.. She says this after seeing 8 motorcycles fly around the metal cage.. Hmm.. Finally got the baby situated... Three minutes on my lap.. That's all she wanted. Then she went to my friend, then back, then back again. I tried to get all the pictures I could and before we knew it, the first half was over and it was intermission. Eventually, she made her way back into the stroller and was happy as long as she had goldfish going from her hand to her mouth every few minutes. The intermission ended and so did any glimpse of a happy baby.... The second half, what I saw of it anyway, wasn't as eventful as the first. I was able to take a few photos before surrendering my camera to my bag so I could walk with the unhappy child while trying anything to stop her from screaming and crying. The missed nap... I was paying for it. IN FULL. She was in a one year B**** Mode and she was letting me have it. Nothing helped her at that point. Not walking, not bouncing, not water or milk, not sitting, not her blanket, my keys or toys and not even goldfish. My friend could see that I was in no hurry to scoop up my camera and click so thankfully she did that for me while I tried to sooth the monster. I tried setting her in the stroller, laying it down, giving her the cup and blanket. NOPE! After two seconds of that she was screaming and crying SO HARD that she threw up the goldfish and milk she had previously downed. G R E A T ! I try to wipe as much of it up before I just surrender to the madness. I told my friend the girls would stay with her and they could all enjoy the rest of the show. Then I wheeled the stroller to the edge of the stairs, picked the entire thing up myself and hulked it and the banshee down to the main floor. We make it to the bathrooms, wipe her off, change her diaper... I then realize that I have no extra clothes for her. Another THING sitting on my table "all ready to go" and not actually where it needed to be... WONDERFUL! Her puke clothes are SOAKED and I wasn't about to put them back on. I stripped her down, wiped her fully and wrapped her in her coat and blanket and sat her back in the stroller. Surprisingly, she was fine... Go FIGURE! We walked around checking out all of the over priced (SERIOUSLY) toys and novelty things while we waited for the show to end. About 15 minutes after we left the bathroom, people started flooding out of the doorways and stairs like herded buffalo. I waited for my group and then we were headed out of the crazy mess. I asked my friend if she enjoyed it, aside from the beast anyway, and she laughed assuring me she had a good time. The girls each got a little light up toy featuring the circus name ($5 AFTER the circus.. just saying...) and we made our way back to the twisted garage. By that time I was starving and so looking forward to getting a big juicy burger from one of our new favorite places. Nothing could ruin that! Did I say I hate the phrase "wishful thinking"? Hmmm.....
          After my friend graciously sat in the drivers seat yet again to get us the hell out of there, we only waited maybe ten minutes before we were able to squeeze our way into the convoy of leaving vehicles. We made it out of the garage (eventually) and headed towards FOOD! We pulled into a McDonalds drive thru to get the girls their food and were more than happy when we realized the plazas we needed were next to each other. We got their food and headed over to the place called Bad Daddy's burger bar.. Mmmm.... Mouth waters every time I say it... We pull in, park, start getting the dreaded stroller and everything together and we realize something seems a little off.. Yesterday was also Super Bowl Sunday... Every other restaurant in town was PACKED and here.. there were three cars in the parking lot... "Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!" my little voice screamed. "It's not fair!! Please be open! Please!!!!" and in the middle of that thought, a worker came out and pulled in their sidewalk sign. "Oh my God they ARE closing!" My friend asked if they were closed and she said they did in ten minutes. Desperate, I asked if we could put in a to go order... She told us we could come in and eat but no one comes in after they close. Let's see... Do I want to go in... HELL YES I WANT TO GO IN! So we did! The burger was delicious, what I remember of it anyway. It was a mix of stuffing my face, trying to quiet the baby, inhaling my drink... I even surprised the waitress when she came over to ask how everything was and my burger was simply.. GONE. I felt so much better.. Still annoyed at the unhappy soul in the stroller but I knew she was beyond exhausted from missing that damn nap. Conclusion to that by the way, is that neither her nor I are ready for her to give up the second nap of the day. NOT EVEN CLOSE! We got in the car, my friend drove us home, the baby screamed a horrible 70% of the way and eventually I called my husband saying "When we get home, I'm going to let you take her and give her a bath and get her ready for bed.. Mom's done.. I'm done.. I'm officially clocking out for the evening.. Thanks." He said ok with no hesitation whatsoever. He probably KNEW what my day was going to be like which is PROBABLY why he was more than happy to stay home.. I tried ok? I TRIED! By the time we got to my house, the girls got out and the baby just wouldn't stop crying. Until she say her dad which was when her whole demeanor changed as she yelled "Daddy!" and went to him. Why you little... I hugged my friend and thanked her again and then went inside the opposite way of the baby. I ended up going into the bathroom while she was in the bath and it was a completely different child. Smiling, laughing, splashing... Grrrr..... The big picture.. She went to a circus.. The BIGGER picture.. I was an idiot and now know that I will NEVER be taking a child under the age of THREE to the circus again. Ever! E V E R. She went to sleep as soon as we kissed her and laid her down in bed. Thank goodness for that! My mom night was officially OVER.
         I collected myself enough to show my husband the pictures and tell him about the day, good and bad. Then I leaned on him and curled myself in a heating blanket. THIS was the most calming part of the whole day.. No noise... Nothing. It was wonderful... I ended up playing a few games and then falling asleep around 11:30. The day started back again at 6am this morning and she is currently taking her second nap... Never will I disturb that sanctioned schedule again... A good idea? Probably not. Good intention? Sure, but I've learned my lesson. Have a wonderful day guys! I'm enjoying NOT being at the circus today... :) -Super Mom